tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post115722595926876821..comments2017-08-18T03:29:34.478-07:00Comments on Muddled Ponderings of a Canadian Trapped in the States: My poor kids!Lowahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11014088685507756473noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post-1157837303722662292006-09-09T14:28:00.000-07:002006-09-09T14:28:00.000-07:00LM- Thanks! Things are improving more all the time...LM- Thanks! Things are improving more all the time. I am starting to understand more every day, all the misunderstandings and mis-communications that happen between Stud and the kids and I. Stud and Brain had a bit of a mis-understanding last weekend. When I convinced Brain to pursue it and find clossure, Stud was awesome about explaining how he felt and Brain said, "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?? I would have understood better." So I am hopeful! Yes, kids are amazingly perceptive, mine even more so than some!<BR/><BR/>L- you made awesome points. I have made clear to Stud that I am not going to lose myself and all that I have worked hard toward the past 5 or 6 years to finally stand up for myself. I have actually said a few times that I am not going to grovel. I will be who I am and we can commit to working together on this. He is getting more and more open and is being sweeter and sweeter. Last weekend, I spoke up and let him know he had been mean and hurt my feelings or something. Brain and Jock both took me aside and said, "Whatever you do, DO NOT UPSET DAD. He will leave us! PLEASE don't make him mad." I was so sad that they feel that way. I told them I will speak up for myself and that if their Dad chooses to leave, it will be his choice, not anything I or they have done or not done. He will not leave just because I let him know he hurt my feelings. I hope he starts to discuss this with them and they get to where they can tell him of their fears and concerns.Lowahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11014088685507756473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post-1157462189302234202006-09-05T06:16:00.000-07:002006-09-05T06:16:00.000-07:00Sometimes it's a blessing to have perceptive kids;...Sometimes it's a blessing to have perceptive kids; sometimes it's a curse. <BR/><BR/>I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but instead I have thoughts and prayers. And special hugs for Clown.<BR/><BR/>Hope your weekend went well. We had beautiful weather here. Hope you did too.Library Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07175070463632523228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post-1157432376511704772006-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:002006-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:00Thanks, Meno. Pretty hard, alright!Sorry for what ...Thanks, Meno. Pretty hard, alright!<BR/><BR/>Sorry for what you went through:( Totally heartbreaking and there is no point in any of it. Whoever these people end up with, it is not likely to work then either and the cycle continues.Lowahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11014088685507756473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post-1157335444255740072006-09-03T19:04:00.000-07:002006-09-03T19:04:00.000-07:00Wow again. I remember one time when my then 3 yea...Wow again. I remember one time when my then 3 year old was sobbing to me that "Daddy had a new daughter" when her father was dating (and i use the word dating in the euphemistic sense) someone with a child while telling me that he wasn't. We had agreed to no dating in front of the kids. Ha.<BR/>I just want you to know that you are not alone in being lied to and betrayed. I felt so alone and ashamed when it was happening to me. The resolution will depend upon the Stud being willing to change and listen. It's a classic move to try and make everyone else feel like they are crazy for questioning you. I recognize it.<BR/>I'd send you courage if i could.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post-1157299399881334592006-09-03T09:03:00.000-07:002006-09-03T09:03:00.000-07:00Oh, it DID make me feel like I was kicked in the s...Oh, it DID make me feel like I was kicked in the stomach. For years I have felt like I was banging my head against a wall. Since this whole thing has come out that I was lied to, betrayed, disrespected in such a horrible way and my kids had to witness a lot of it, I have felt countless times like I was kicked in the stomach or smacked in the face. The worst is having to have my kids feel this way.<BR/><BR/>Yesterday, Clown found the courage to talk to his Dad about something that has really been upsetting him. My kids come to me with many complaints and hurts. They refuse to talk to their father, and say he won't listen. SO they come to me, and I go to him. I am trying to get them to start and go to him also. The counselor tried to encrouage them to also. He just belittles what they say and makes them more upset than ever, (which is what he has always done to me, too) and they end up more frustrated. <BR/><BR/>When I tell him the things, he dismisses it and accuses me of coaching them to feel this way. He doesn't give them credit for having minds of their own and their own thoughts, opinions and feelings. Yesterday when Clown was trying to confront him, Stud would not even stay in the same room with him. He would not face his 7 year old son. He stayed in another room and refused to come in and make eye contact, they spoke around a corner. Clown was crying and said something along the lines of "You don't hear anything we say to you and you don't hear Mum, either. You never listen to what Mum tries to tell you!!!"<BR/><BR/>I think Clown felt better once he got it off his chest. NOthing was resolved, it seldom it. But Clown was able to vent.Lowahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11014088685507756473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10017930.post-1157295441516962142006-09-03T07:57:00.000-07:002006-09-03T07:57:00.000-07:00Wow, that is sad that your son made that comment. ...Wow, that is sad that your son made that comment. That would have made me feel like i had been kicked in the stomach. <BR/>I hate it when kids feel insecure. <BR/>Maybe your kids will tell the Pastor.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.com