Friday, October 17, 2008

Advice

As the title implies, I am seeking some advice.

I have noticed the past three years or so that people gravitate toward Princess. I mean, they always have been taken with her. She is very sweet, cute, funny and just draws people in by her demeanor. Since infancy, people commented on her eyes and curls (when she had them! LOL) and cuteness. Right now I am talking about her personality and how it seems to draw people.

It is just the past three years or so that it has become more and more clear that she is looked upon as...what I guess people call "popular". Kids of all ages want to be her friend. She has friends who are ten and eleven and friends as young as four or five.

I am not sure if I posted about various instances from a few years ago when she attended public school. It is always interesting to watch other kids around her. Ones in her dance class, horse back lessons, and for sure when she attended public school for her Kindergarten year. Kids just gaze at her so adoringly and always watch to see what she will do and then they follow along. I think I talked about one example and how she instructed all the kids who took the bus home to sit on a certain side of the bus so that as it drove past, they could wave to her as she and I walked home after school. They happily did that ALL YEAR long. I thought they would tire of it or forget about it after a few weeks. No sir! The entire year, they watched and waved and just seemed so excited to be waving to her every day. If sometimes we were late or early and didn't see the bus, kids asked her about it later. "Princess! I didn't see you and your Mommy waving yesterday after school?? What happened??"

So now she takes this Friday morning science class. Other kids want to partner up with her do to any assignments together. They don't "fight" over her, but I can tell she is torn and doesn't know what to do and which ones to work with. They do seem to be getting a bit agitated at the thought of her not "choosing" them. She looked at me helplessly and shrugged her shoulders today when two girls were wanting her to work with them on identifying birds.

She has been better about getting into lines first at dance class. She used to ALWAYS be first to line up for get the hands stamped after dance lessons or music lessons. I spoke with her about it and explained that other kids need to be first as well and how she can take turns. She told me the kids TELL her to get in front and I knew she was right. I had seen it. They would motion for her to go first, even if she had stepped back to allow them in. I would watch and these girls would just kind of look at her in awe as she walked past, like she was Princess Diana or something. They all really seem taken with her. I mean, it is NOT her fault or anything.

Here is my dilemma. I don't want her getting arrogant. I think she is starting to really notice this treatment a lot more and notice other girls maybe not being treated the same way. I am not sure WHY she is viewed in this manner.

So what do I do?? Do I just keep the lines of communication open and be there for her if she starts asking why people treat her this way?? I know she has noticed in the area of her looks. People always comment on her being so "cute" and "beautiful" and all this. She has heard it all her life. It is tapering off a bit as she gets older, THANK GOODNESS, but I know it will start up again when she is late teens or something and totally stunning again. I almost want her to get some acne or get crooked teeth or something and not be so pretty! I know that sounds horrible, which leads me to my next question.

How do I help it not bother her brothers?? They are starting to resent her, mainly Clown. He is closest in age to her, so it impacts him the most. He has come to me crying a few times, asking why people don't comment on his looks all the time as they do her. I never know what to say?? I think he is very handsome. And sometimes people say so. The thing is 98% of the time we go ANYWHERE, people turn and look at Princess or come right up and say something. They don't say anything about him:( It is hurting him and he is resenting his sister. But it is not her fault!

So what can I do?? IS there anything I can do?? It bothers Jock a little bit, but with the looks thing, he seems a but consoled by the fact that they look a lot alike! LOL We always say she is a female version of him. So even though he acts like she is an annoying little sister and therefore seen as hideous to him, it does seem to console him a bit. He even says to me a few times a year, "You know, Princess really IS a very attractive little girl. It bugs me when people always say it, especially when she is there to hear. But I DO understand why. She REALLY is pretty!"

How do I help her with being torn between all kinds of people wanting her attention? And how do I help the boys not resent her and get their feelings hurt??

Thanks!

6 comments:

Dooneybug said...

I have no idea what to tell you! I was very rarely the girl that everyone gravitated towards however I've known a few in my life. I guess just talking frankly with her about it and reminding her to keep a level head. If it's her personality, it's natural so it's not like she can help it. Kinda nice in many aspects but she has to remember that with that power comes responsibility. Good luck!

Lowa said...

Yeah, me too. I was not even close to "popular", so I can't relate. Apparently I was a happy and friendly little girl, but I don't think I caused the reaction that she seems to.

This is the thing I am grateful for. She truly does have an awesome personality and none of this has gone to her head...YET. She does seem a bit confused by it sometimes, though. I think you are right. You made a point with the responsibility thing. We have talked about that before, just briefly since she is so young, but we will get more into as she ages, I am sure.

Thanks for your input! I just feel bad for my boys:( Although even they agree they have an awesome sister and are grateful for her being so sweet and kind. Jock chose to attend her birthday party today, instead of going to a corn maze with his hockey team. He must like her a little, right?? LOL

Jude said...

I agree with Dooneybug, have talks with her about the personality importance of things, and stress that part of it.

Good luck!

Lowa said...

Jude- Very true...I just feel bad for my boys too:( Man, having a cool kid can sure stress a person out! LOL

Sugar and Ice said...

I don't think there's much you can or should do in this situation. If she's honestly that beautiful and that likeabe, then I'd just have a talk with her about it. Make sure she understands that she might not always be the most beautiful or the most popular, so she shouldn't ever take it for granted. Tell her that she's been blessed with this gift for a reason, and as with any gift she should use it for good things. She could use it to draw in lots of friends and make outsiders feel like a part of the group. If she sees a kid who doesn't have the gifts she does, then she could show them attention...and when the other kids see her doing so then they might befriend these children as well.

As for your sons...they're just going to have to get used to the fact that certain people might get more attention than them for certain things. There's always going to be a person who is the prettiest, most liked, best athlete, smartest, hardest worker, friendliest, best singer, best debater...etc. Sometimes it might be them, and sometimes it won't. They just need to focus on what their own gifts are, and we all have our gifts. You might mention that girls often get more attention for looks than boys; it doesn't necessarily mean they're any less attractive than their sister. She might be better at making friends, but they might be smarter than her or a better listener. Also, to be completely honest, I've seen the pictures of your kids, and I honestly don't think any of them are any more attractive than the others. They are all equally nice looking.

Lowa said...

Chas-Thanks so much for your great input. I guess I am doing the right thing then. I have told them all all of the things you have said, many time. So I guess I need to just continue to remind and reaffirm??

I also agree about the looks thing. I actually can honestly say I have seen kids who are MUCH better looking than my own kids:) LOL I think they are darling and have some nice physical qualities, but I have seen kids who are even better looking. And you are right, I don't think Princess is any better looking then her brothers. It is REALLY weird, though. Honestly, sometimes you would think the boys don't exist to some people, the reaction we get to Princess. It is really quite sickening and makes me mad AND sad.