Saturday, September 02, 2006

My poor kids!

I took all the boys for physicals yesterday.

Brain has been complaining of his left shin hurting. Clown's throat hurts, he had a wart on his finger, his legs always hurt and...I can't remember anything else. Jock's right thigh hurts and...I am sure there was something else. I just scheduled a complete work up since they have not been in a few years. Brain and Jock anyway.

So I actually scheduled all four. Princess has been sick, as I have mentioned. She is having nose bleeds a lot. We are trying to figure out if her tummy aches are from lactose intolerance or what. So about 10 minutes after I made the appointment they called back. They looked in the charts and Princess had her physical about 10 months ago, so insurance would not cover it if I brought her in for one before a year was up. They were so funny, they know Princess LOVES to go and see this woman we see. She is not a Dr. but a whatever they are. I forget what all is behind her name. I have taken the kids to her since we moved back here from SC in 2000 and they don't really remember anyone else. Especially Clown and Princess. She is the only one Princess has ever gone to and she ADORES her! So when they called back and they said to prepare her and let her know, they were all talking about how upset she will be when we get there and just her brothers get checked. They all had a chuckle talking about Princess. It is no secret how she LOVES her Dr. Appointments:)

So anyway, I let Princess know she was not getting a check-up. She was sad, but seemed to be ok with it. Once we got in there, she started telling her how this hurt and this was wrong, etc etc. L (nurse person, whatever she is called) checked her all over and was tousling her hair and grinning at me and saying how she had planned to check her out a little, just to make her feel included. She is so good about that.

So turns out, Brain and Jock both needed an ear flushed. They had wax packed in there so badly. They both needed tetanus shots. Brain needed an x-ray of his shin, Jock was prescribed PT for his hamstring and Clown had the wart frozen off. He LOVES that, it is the second time. He had one on his foot about three years ago and she let him pour the liquid nitrogen on the floor and hear the cool sound and see the cloud of it. He had told his older brothers all about it that time and was glad they were there to witness and enjoy it this time. They were very impressed and he was pleased:) They told her all about how their Science teacher last year let them dip graham crackers in liquid nitrogen and then eat them and the "smoke" comes out your nostrils and everything. They asked if they dipped their fingers in there and then smashed their fingers against something, would they shatter and shards go everywhere. LOL Kids have such fun questions all the time:)

Clown did not even cry, we were so impressed. With his other one, he went two times. About ten days apart. It had been a huge one, and needed a few times being frozen. He didn't cry the first time then, but did the second time, if I recall. This one was just the start of a teeny one and was easily taken care of. After it was burning, he was saying how it hurt a lot. She told him it is just like frostbite. He looked at me really quickly and told her his Mum has had that before, when she lived in Canada. I will have to share my frostbite story soon:) My worst one, anyway. Man, I can still feel the burn, now that I think about it. *shudder*

Brain's X-ray looked fine. She thinks it is something to do with a tendon and him growing. He is still not on the chart, but is at least slowly gaining and growing taller. He is 5 foot one and 74 lbs. Jock is 6 inches shorter and 2 lbs heavier and HE is too skinny in my opinion. So we shall see how it all goes. With Brain having constitutional growth delay, he will be a majorly late bloomer AND maybe still be growing when he is 22 or so, she said.

So they were so tough, I had to take them for a treat at McDonald's. Then we came home and Stud and I left for a date. We saw "The Illusionist" and Brain did a great job of watching everyone.

Clown said something interesting yesterday afternoon. I told him that later that night Brain was going to be babysitting and Daddy and I were going out. He said something about we seem to be going out a lot lately. Then he got this look like something just dawned on him and he said "OOOoooohhhhh...I know."

I asked what he knew. He said he knows why we are going out more than usual. I asked why and he said "It is because of HER."

I wanted to see what he would say, so I asked, "Who??"

"You know, that woman at the lake. That woman Dad likes?? What is her name again...M!! Yeah! You are going out a lot because you don't want Dad to want to be with her and leave us and go to SC, right?? I am smart, aren't I???"

I find that incredibly sad, that my children have to even think this way at all. I really wish I knew what it was they witnessed between those two for them to be so convinced that their Dad and M want to be together. I called our Pastor and told him what is going on and Stud has met with him twice alone to talk. Pastor R wants me to join them now, so hopefully that will happen next week.

So have a great long weekend, everyone! We plan to clean up the yard and the house and spend some quality time with the kids. I want to have some one on one time with each kid before school starts next week!!!


meno said...

Wow, that is sad that your son made that comment. That would have made me feel like i had been kicked in the stomach.
I hate it when kids feel insecure.
Maybe your kids will tell the Pastor.

Lowa said...

Oh, it DID make me feel like I was kicked in the stomach. For years I have felt like I was banging my head against a wall. Since this whole thing has come out that I was lied to, betrayed, disrespected in such a horrible way and my kids had to witness a lot of it, I have felt countless times like I was kicked in the stomach or smacked in the face. The worst is having to have my kids feel this way.

Yesterday, Clown found the courage to talk to his Dad about something that has really been upsetting him. My kids come to me with many complaints and hurts. They refuse to talk to their father, and say he won't listen. SO they come to me, and I go to him. I am trying to get them to start and go to him also. The counselor tried to encrouage them to also. He just belittles what they say and makes them more upset than ever, (which is what he has always done to me, too) and they end up more frustrated.

When I tell him the things, he dismisses it and accuses me of coaching them to feel this way. He doesn't give them credit for having minds of their own and their own thoughts, opinions and feelings. Yesterday when Clown was trying to confront him, Stud would not even stay in the same room with him. He would not face his 7 year old son. He stayed in another room and refused to come in and make eye contact, they spoke around a corner. Clown was crying and said something along the lines of "You don't hear anything we say to you and you don't hear Mum, either. You never listen to what Mum tries to tell you!!!"

I think Clown felt better once he got it off his chest. NOthing was resolved, it seldom it. But Clown was able to vent.

meno said...

Wow again. I remember one time when my then 3 year old was sobbing to me that "Daddy had a new daughter" when her father was dating (and i use the word dating in the euphemistic sense) someone with a child while telling me that he wasn't. We had agreed to no dating in front of the kids. Ha.
I just want you to know that you are not alone in being lied to and betrayed. I felt so alone and ashamed when it was happening to me. The resolution will depend upon the Stud being willing to change and listen. It's a classic move to try and make everyone else feel like they are crazy for questioning you. I recognize it.
I'd send you courage if i could.

Lowa said...

Thanks, Meno. Pretty hard, alright!

Sorry for what you went through:( Totally heartbreaking and there is no point in any of it. Whoever these people end up with, it is not likely to work then either and the cycle continues.

Library Mama said...

Sometimes it's a blessing to have perceptive kids; sometimes it's a curse.

I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but instead I have thoughts and prayers. And special hugs for Clown.

Hope your weekend went well. We had beautiful weather here. Hope you did too.

L said...

I partially agree with Meno, but to say that the solution rests solely with Stud demeans your own power in this - and your responsibility, too. You're not only a victim, you can take some control, too. So don't be afraid to assert yourself. It sounds like steps are being made toward working things out. I hope that these efforts Stud's making (dates with you, meeting with your pastor) are in earnest (not doubting you...more him as it doesn't seem he's been completely upfront with you still). But if you convince yourself it's all up to him to keep trying and don't recognize that you have the control to at some point say "enough" and walk away...well, then you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of waiting and continued discontent.

I'm hope that whatever your kids perceive...that when they get older they'll able to recognize Stud's behavior as how NOT to treat your kids/family and that they use this lesson to avoid making the same mistake.

Lowa said...

LM- Thanks! Things are improving more all the time. I am starting to understand more every day, all the misunderstandings and mis-communications that happen between Stud and the kids and I. Stud and Brain had a bit of a mis-understanding last weekend. When I convinced Brain to pursue it and find clossure, Stud was awesome about explaining how he felt and Brain said, "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?? I would have understood better." So I am hopeful! Yes, kids are amazingly perceptive, mine even more so than some!

L- you made awesome points. I have made clear to Stud that I am not going to lose myself and all that I have worked hard toward the past 5 or 6 years to finally stand up for myself. I have actually said a few times that I am not going to grovel. I will be who I am and we can commit to working together on this. He is getting more and more open and is being sweeter and sweeter. Last weekend, I spoke up and let him know he had been mean and hurt my feelings or something. Brain and Jock both took me aside and said, "Whatever you do, DO NOT UPSET DAD. He will leave us! PLEASE don't make him mad." I was so sad that they feel that way. I told them I will speak up for myself and that if their Dad chooses to leave, it will be his choice, not anything I or they have done or not done. He will not leave just because I let him know he hurt my feelings. I hope he starts to discuss this with them and they get to where they can tell him of their fears and concerns.