Sunday, February 04, 2007


Well, I have been sick since about Wednesday or Thursday. *sigh* I don't get sick, so I can't complain. I just feel like I have hardly gotten anything done at all and it is most frustrating. I can hardly breathe, am constantly sneezing, nose running, runny eyes, etc etc. I need to be in Princess's class on Tuesday and unless some miracle happens, I don't see that actually transpiring. I am sad, I really look forward to working in her class. That age is SO CUTE and fun!

What a week. Especially what a weekend! Let me backtrack a bit.

Monday I got up and walked to Curves, worked out and walked back. I LOVE doing that, it really wakes me up and gets the day off to an awesome start!

When I got back, I found that Jock was not feeling well and was in bed. Cryptic had gone, even though he really wanted to stay home. I doted a bit on Jock and soon discovered my tummy was upset also. I was feeling quite sick and went back to bed. He and I felt a little off all day, but by that night were right as rain again.

Tuesday I made an appointment with the school counselor to meet with Jock and myself. He has been complaining about this one teacher a lot and said he is constantly humiliating him. Jock is one of those people who is very easily influenced by others and a real people pleaser. If the people are those other than his immediate family!!! I cannot tell you how often I get complimented about him when I go places. How polite, kind, funny, considerate etc etc that he is. The other parents in our homeschooling group used to be shocked when I would tell them that he was not allowed to do such and such for a consequence for negative attitude or disrespect or anything like that. After about three years, they started to see the side of him that we always see at home.

It is very important to him what others think of him, yet at home, he can be incredibly rude, disrespectful and belligerent. Which I hear is quite normal. Cryptic is the opposite. He can often be rude, condescending, snotty, very serious, aloof and distant outside the house, and states often how he could care less what anyone's opinion of him is. Conversely, when people we met at the HSing group have come to our house for supper or a birthday party or what have you, they were shocked to see a sweet, helpful, mature and light-hearted Cryptic and a butt-head Jock!

My point is that it is not common for Jock to have trouble getting along with anyone. He idolizes pretty much every adult in his life (except me! He is at an age where he is really pulling away from me and maybe I will do a post on that soon) and people just adore him. He can be an absolute perfect kid and angel, if he wants to be. So to hear that a teacher is treating him badly, is kind of a surprise. Then, we found out that the teacher has gone through his back-pack on at least three separate occasions.

Stud went with Cryptic a few months ago to meet with this same counselor about one of Cryptic's teachers. The man yelled continually and was making Cryptic very scared and nervous. The counselor suggested that Cryptic switch teachers and he is the one who stated that he would keep trying, he just wanted her to be aware of how uncomfortable he was. So when I took Jock in, I expected the same thing.

She said how proud and impressed she was with how Crytpic had handled himself and how in this case, she thought that maybe Jock's teacher is not aware of how he is coming across to Jock. She admitted to being very disturbed about the back-pack thing, but was constantly trying to find excuses for why he may have done that. After meeting with Jock for about half an hour, we agreed that she would talk to this teacher and see what his view of it all is. I expressed my concern that after how Jock feels is brought to his attention, that he be even worse to Jock. She said, "Not gonna happen. That is not tolerated." Well, I would hope what he has been doing up until this point will not be tolerated either. I continue to be blown away by what goes on in these public schools and what all is tolerated and what is not. It is very backward and VERY different from when I was in school. Of course, the fact that it is a totally different country may have something to do with it.

The rest of the week is pretty much a blur. I know on Wednesday I went to Costco, Target, grocery store etc and loaded up on stuff since Stud had just been paid. I think I was getting bad with this cold by then. We have been spending a lot of time playing a really fun new board game that the kids got for Christmas. The kids have watched "Open Season" many times since I went and purchased it on Wednesday. Also on Wednesday, Princess started a different dance class.

She had been taking ballet/tap all last year. She started again this past fall and after one month, wanted to quit tap. She is a ballerina at heart and found tap too difficult. She was good at it, but is naturally more graceful (not sure where she gets that from, must be Stud's side of the family??) and wasn't having fun. So we had to change our schedule around and ended up missing so many of her ballet classes, that is why she was so unprepared for her Christmas recital. I have been trying to take her to make-up classes and they ended up being on the original day (Wednesday) and time. She saw the other girls doing tap and told me she wanted to start again. PERFECT timing, because now is the time of year that we put the down payments on the Spring Recital costumes, get measurements, etc etc. So her teacher said she can go back in that class for good, there was plenty of room. We are SO EXCITED, we saw what she will be wearing for each dance.

Her ballet outfit is a Zebra pantsuit. Her tap outfit is a 20's flapper dress, purple sequins and rainbow coloured feather boa and trim on the bottom of the dress. She and I have always wanted her to have one of the sparkly costumes, so we are VERY HAPPY!:) That was exciting except that she can't fit her tap shoes that she wore for one month this past fall! *sigh* So we need to go get new shoes and sell these on Ebay.

That was very exciting. Oh, I know. We went to a meeting at the school about Jock's band trip this Spring. The plan is to go to Spokane for a Spring Parade or something in May. We have been very psyched about it and that meeting got us even more excited. Jock was beside himself, Stud signed up to be late night security at the hotel, etc etc.

Jock has been a BUTT. Truly. Getting worse and worse. The mouth on him is just...*sigh* He has always been our hardest kid, and we try desperately not to make him feel that he is, because he will just fulfill that label. I have read all about it. We focus on the positive and praise ALL THE TIME. It is a constant dilemma, trying to figure out which negative to ignore, and which to point out and use to guide and teach. I have recently become aware that if Cryptic does something similar to Jock, I am not as hard on Cryptic. Jock is an "in your face" type of person, always around, mouth constantly going. Cryptic is more in the background and sly, kind of sneaky with his antics. So even though he may be a butt, it seems to take a while for that to register with me.

Since I have become aware of this, I sat them down and told Jock that I am sorry. I told Cryptic that I will crack down on him more and I have been. I can tell that Jock feels that things are a bit more "fair", so that is good. Still, he has this attitude that he knows everything and is the authority on everything. He knows it all, just ask him and he can tell you. He is never wrong. Apparently, I was the same when I was a kid. I am sure I have not lost it all, but I know I have improved. Stud is that way, always has been since I have known him. So poor Jock came by it naturally and really did not stand a chance. Since Stud and Jock spend so much time together and Jock worships get the picture.

We have told Jock that he has GOT to get his act together and treat us all better. We had been giving him chores for any time he lipped off or was rude, calling sibs names, etc etc. The house is getting cleaner and cleaner, because if he has attitude about that, he gets chores added. Here is an example:

Me - Jock, don't talk to Clown that way. You don't like people to call you names, right?? YOu need to tell him you are sorry.

J- Whatever. *insert rolling of eyes here and a lovely glare*

Me- Ok, you can fold Clown's laundry for him, since you cannot treat him nicely.

J- So?? Geez. You think I CARE??

Me- *trying to stay calm* Go ahead and clean you and Crytic's bathroom as well.


So then I am thinking, that was rude. Do I keep adding, do I ignore? He has a right to be annoyed, that is fine. Yet he is choosing to be a dork. He KNOWS the consequences, yet is always testing. He claims that Stud lets him get away with acting a certain way, yet if I am around, then I crack down and Stud backs me up. He gets frustrated to tears and says that is not fair. When they are alone, Stud lets him do that. Maybe that is why he doesn't want me around ever, cause I am harder on him and don't allow it??

Anyway, today he was a royal D*ck. Depending on the offense, we have said that he will miss a hockey game. He had two games yesterday and then this morning was being a turd. So I suggested Stud bench him when they got there. Then I decided that he should just stay home. Srud went to coach the game and Jock turned into an angel. When we used to take him to his counselor, he admitted that he is fully aware of what he does. I was concerned that he was bi-polar for a while, but he doesn't have the rages they do and then when we know that he is aware, that is clearly NOT bi-polar. We told him if there was ANY other incident that he was not going on the band trip in May.

He was a dream. As reward, I allowed he and Clown to send messages to each other on their DS lites that they got for Christmas. I keep them and then bring them out when the kids have been pleasant and worked well together, been respectful, etc. Clown has been BEGGING to be able to spend time sending messages back and forth. So I told Jock they could do that for a while.

Within FIVE minutes Cryptic came up to tell me that Jock had typed in Jack*ss to wee little Clown and called him a Bi*ch!?!?!? He hears these words at school and I am sure has heard them in some movies we have not screened very well. His father and I DO NOT use words like that.

So we called Jock up and told him that he was NOT going on the Band trip. He was MAD and proceeded to go to Clown and say "Thanks to you, I am not going on my Fu*king band trip!"

I am not sure that we have ever used a belt on one of our kids. Stud has wanted to use it before and I have avoided it at all costs. I was totally 100% on board with that today. Clown came to me crying when he found out what was happening to Jock. He said that HE was the one who started typing in names on his DS. I asked him if it was names like what Jock said to him. No, but they were bad. "Stupid", "Idiot" and things like that. He said that he was kidding around and that he and Jock have done that before and he thought it was goofy. He didn't know Jock would get mad and type those other words. I said thanks for your honesty, and you will have a consequence for that since you know those are not allowed. But I told him he is not responsible for Jock choosing to call names back.

Jock could have ignored him, told him he was not using the DS to send messages, and CERTAINLY not typed in those worse names that Clown has not seen/heard before. I hugged him and told him he was not at fault for Jock getting what he was getting right then. We didn't hear any noise, it was handled quickly and quietly. Yet it still really upset Clown to know that his Dad was doing something like that to his big brother. I told him how those words were bad enough, what Jock typed, but then to go downstairs and say that to you, use that horrible word in front of you AND Princess, and on top of it all, try and guilt Clown into the fact that Jock CHOSE not to go on the band way. Not gonna fly.

Since then, Jock has been a totally ANGEL. Playing with the younger two, being sweet and loving, etc etc. So we need to stick to our guns here. I was really looking forward to that trip:( I will remind myself that we are saving MAJOR money and Jock is learning a valuable lesson. He was hard enough, but the child he is becoming since starting public school is just...scary. I thought I was prepared for it and Stud has even said if we need to, as a last resort, we will pull him out and have him home again earlier than originally planned. He complains about it sometimes, but overall he still loves it. So that would be the ulitmate consequence.

Alright, I know this was a lot to take in. This has taken me a long time and I have sneezed all over the monitor many times already. My chest is just burning, feels kinda like bronchitis or something. *sigh* May have to go to the Dr. I was getting so good about keeping active and working out, now that is all on hold.

Nighty night!!!


sydwynd said...

I wrote you a nice long comment, but I think Blogger ate it!

Hope you're feeling better.

You did the right thing. Kids need to know there's consequences for actions and that they alone are responsible for their behavior. There is no such thing as "look what my brother made me do". Even if someone else starts it, you make the choice to continue.

Good luck with the boys!

The Ramblin Irishman said...

All I can say is, "Welcome to those horrible, nightmarish teen-age years. Hang tough Mom cause the day does come when they suddenly remember who Mom is and how good she really is.

Lowa said...

Vince- Man, I hate it when I type some long thing out and then it gets eaten! ARG!

I am better now, thanks! Well, I hope we did the right thing. Sometimes it is hard to know, you know?? As I type this, Cryptic is helping Jock with math homework. Stud WAS helping, but Jock doesn't do well with him helping. With Cryptic helping he understands it better. I am enjoying hearing them in Stud's office talking nicely to each other and being patient with each other. Times like this, I know there is hope for all of us, and Jock won't drive us all completely insane! LOL

Tim-Thanks! Last night at our family meeting, Jock pointed out to me that I was not doing well with the promise that I made him to try not to talk out loud to myself as much! LOL He hates that and I am trying to stop. He has always been a lot closer to his Dad and totally worshipped him, whereas Cryptic is always hanging on me, telling me he loves me, loves to cuddle with me, etc. Still at 14 years old. Jock has pushed me away more and more, starting at about age six or seven. I know he will eventually realise how awesome I am, so when he is mad at me I just shake it off! There are times where he will hesitantly admit to me that his friends like me for this or that reason, I am more playful and goofy than their mothers, who are more serious. He does seem a bit pleased about that sometimes, even though he doesn't like to admit it:) If he is feeling especially affectionate, he will tell me something like that. So I know in his heart he knows I am alright. Be nice to be close to him again, I can't wait for that day!!