Thursday, August 31, 2006

One that I forgot

I am sure you are all tired of the Living Room photos.

However. Here is another "wall" in the Living Room that I neglected to show you all. I don't like this glass tile wall in some ways and I do in others. On the other side is the Dining Area and then you can see where the kitchen is over on the right. I do not like the maple cabinets and prefer dark wood. We cannot eat in the kitchen either because there is no room for a table. We have to eat in the dining area and until a year ago had carpet on the floor over there. This is not conducive to raising small children! TRUST ME.

Anyway, this is one way we had it set up about 5 years ago.

And then here is from the other day-


I was telling Princess that I like the outfit she put together today. It is a white shirt with a pink skort.

We were hugging and cuddling and she said, "I just remember what you tell me, 'white goes with everything, white goes with everything'".

She said it about 12 times, though, I don't want to type it all out.

So I was laughing and squeezed her really hard because she is so cute and cuddly. I told her yes and that when you say things over and over like that it can be called a "Mantra."

She cocked her head to the side and asked, "Really??? I thought it was called repeating!!!"

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Another Angle


Ok, here is a view I had not shown yet. The before are from December, 2004 during Brain's 12th birthday party. Just to give an idea of how that wall looked.

Here is one from June of 2001. As you can see, Princess was busily playing and things looked very different!


The after was taken today.

Living Room Photos

Ok, I have been looking through photos of what the LR used to look like. I found some from four years ago with the boys wrestling in there. I know I have some with no kids in them, but I can't find them right now. You can look past the kids and see what the room used to look like.

As you can see, things are vastly different. We painted over the blue. We turned the Entertainment center on it's side so I could reach things and be able to dust. We ripped up the carpet and put in Brazilian Cherry Hardwoods. We got curtains, new light fixtures and totally different furniture.

Ok, I will do a bit more later. I don't want this stupid thing to freeze on me and all this be for nothing!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Pumpkin is not for drinking

I have discovered this.

I LOVE pumpkin. I love fall. They go together perfectly. Love pumpkin pie, pumpkin scented stuff (I have some air freshener in that scent, etc) and pumpkin muffins, etc etc.

This morning I had to drive Stud to his buddy's to carpool since our car is in the shop and I need the van today for the birthday party we are going to. I got a few groceries after and then decided to be bad and go to Starbucks for a treat. If I don't get it breve, the calories are not too bad. It is a gorgeous, cloudy rainy day (my ultimate FAVOURITE) and the hot yummy goes naturally on a day like this.

Anyway, they have their fall treats available now. The guy asked if I wanted to try the pumpkin latte. I declined and stuck with what I know I love, but when I paid, I did take a sample. *shudder* I brought it home to Jock who downed it quickly, licked his lips and exclaimed "YUM!!"

Princess had me up off and on during the night for various reasons. Poor kid, she feels really bad:( Having nose bleeds, coughing, sniffling, just feels icky. She said she heard something that made her scared in her room. She tried to come into our room and sleep on the floor, but we didn't even know until later when she got me up to settle her on the couch. Poor kid, wish she felt like she could just get IN bed with us:( Although I would have slept even worse with the sniffling and coughing in my ear.

So I did not get up and do my yoga and need to get at it. Hard to get motivated this morning. I think I will go ahead and do some posts on the before and after in the rooms of the house, but first Clown and Princess need more food.

Monday, August 28, 2006

My brother and other stuff

I wanted to just let everyone know that I am putting any posts dedicated to my baby brother on hold. I really want photos to go with the posts and I can't do that yet. So hopefully in a month or so, I can continue on about him.

My next posts should be about the changes around the house since we bought it. I will post before and after photos. I tried again to post this morning, but the stupid thing messed up AGAIN. I need to do what my friend suggested (you know who you are, T!!!) and try it that way.

I was trying to tell you all how Stud's motorcycle was stolen last night. Maybe I will try again soon.

Tomorrow we have a birthday party for a friend's son. Then Wednesday is Giggles' birthday party. We are excited, they are taking us all out to eat and then to see "Zoom" at the new Theatre. We even get to go in the projection room! He said he only wants the "D" kids (our last name starts with D) to come. What can I say?? Everyone loves our kids! Teehee. He put it off and planned it around Brain and Princess coming back from Canada. I thought that was so sweet. I hope he likes what we bought him:)

So soon I hope to find time for doing those posts. I must get to bed now since we were up until midnight last night talking with the cops. I need to get up at 5:30 to run and do my yoga. I quit Jenny Craig and am eating worse, but am somehow still slowly losing weight. So I need to keep up the physical activity level.

Sweet dreams!

Sunday, August 27, 2006


Stud and I have been trying to take the kids to a Mariners game for years now. We just have not gotten our act together and made it happen. Besides him taking Clown back in June and me taking Clown about three years ago, none of the kids have gone for a long time. I have no idea how long. Princess had never been and last I remember, we took Brain to one in the Kingdome when he was about three. Stud is certain we took Brain and Jock a few years ago, but I don't think we did.

So we surprised them all last night and took them to the game against the Red Sox. Clown is the one who figured it out first. They kept guessing:


"No no! I know!! Seattle Center!!!"


"No, they are taking us for another picnic!!"

Clown figured it out a few blocks from Safeco Field.

Clown had such a great time. He refused to leave his seat once. We brought him his drink, fries (didn't want a hotdog, can you IMAGINE!!!??!) and his cotton candy. He didn't want to risk missing any of it. I told him we could go look at the fun things to buy and he could buy himself some kind of souvenir. No chance. Not interested.

Jock was pretty pleased and enjoyed himself. He and I went to get him fries at one point and I made him order them himself. He hates to speak up in public and refuses to just buy things. At eleven years old, still wants me to give the people his money for him and get the change and answer if he wants a bag or not, whatever. Princess has gone to the counter before, ON HER OWN, with me waiting far away, to buy something for her brother. So I told him I would not last night. I knew he was starved and really wanted those fries. Sure enough. He did a great job and seemed proud of himself!

Princess was not impressed. She is NOT her mother's daughter in that regard. I LOVE BASEBALL!!! She is WAY TOO girly! LOL She was pretty bored and it did not help that she is coming down with something my brother in Calgary said that they all got right when my kids left there. Poor thing, she was getting feverish and tried to lay down on the seat by her Dad. She ate a little and we got her some Dip N' Dots, which she said settled her tummy down. She says her throat hurts, her tummy hurts and she is sneezing constantly. Stud thought maybe it is the new carpet (pictures to come soon) or something, but we are not sure.

So I felt bad for her and after the 7th inning stretch, we told the kids we needed to leave and beat the traffic and get their sister to bed. WELL!

The boys would have none of it. Even Brain, who doesn't really care about sports, was adamant that we stay and see it through. Princess was sweet about it and at that point wasn't feeling too poorly.

By the 9th inning, when JJ went to pitch to those loser Sox (sorry to any Sox fans!) I leaned to Clown and yelled above the crowd "Now, what he is going to do, is strike three guys out. BOOM BOOM BOOM, just like that. You watch. That happens sometimes and it is SO AWESOME!"

He rolled his eyes and said "YEAH RIGHT!"

So when JJ struck the first two guys out, I was screaming and all excited. The guys behind us were going nuts and Princess was leaning against her Dad, with her hands over her delicate ears. Things were really picking up! We were leading, 4 to 3, if memory serves. I didn't even care, I was just thrilled that he was pitching this way.

So by this point, I screamed at Clown "What did I tell you!?!? You just watch! He will strike this guy out too!"

Clown was grinning and yelled up to me, "Don't get too cocky!" LOL I got such a kick out of that. Later his Dad told him that I was not cocky, I was confident.

Sure enough, he did it! It was FANTASTIC! I LOVE IT!

Then we were off to Krispy Kreme to use up a coupon we have had for a long time.

So we had a great night, here are some photos to share.

Friday, August 25, 2006


We have had a day full of them.

First, Stud asked the kids and I to pack a picnic and meet him for lunch at the park near his office. He suggested we bring the soccer ball to kick around. Jock brought his RC boat and drove it in the fountain/pond thing there. He was scaring the poor ducks! Even Brain joined in kicking the ball around (this is a kid who normally sits around moping if there is not a book or gameboy in his hand) and Princess played on the slide and play structure. So that was a wonderful surprise.

THEN! Stud made reservations at an expensive restaurant!?!? We went there and left Brain to watch the rest of the kids. We had a lovely dinner and chat.

Shock of all shocks- Brain is now in the shower. Of his own accord. Maybe none of you understand the significance of this. It is the first time in his life that I remember him ever doing this. Normally, he is dragged kicking and screaming (tad bit of exaggeration but I am sure you get the point) into the shower and I am only up for the fight every few days. He just showered yesterday after I dyed his hair, so this is a record!

Things are looking up!

Was trying to post pics, but this stupid thing is still not working!

Have a great weekend!


I am not sure if I mentioned it on here, but some of our kids will attend public school this year:( I am not sure how I feel about it.

I went to public school. I was fine. Hated certain aspects, loved other aspects. Which I think is typical. It has worked well for us to have our kids at home. I enjoy time with them and like to be the main influence in their lives. I don't see the point (no disrespect to those of you whose children attend public school or who do not agree with or understand the Home-schooling idea) in sending my kids away all day, to sit in a room with kids born around the same time as them. That is not the real world. I take them out in the real world every day. Well, fine. Most days! LOL Depending on my mood. We go to get groceries (VERY educational. By the time my kids are about six, they can tell me which is a better deal on canned tomatoes, or which apples are cheapest), to the park, to plays/puppet shows, museums, the zoo, the Childrens Museum and Chuck E Cheese for lunch.

We go on various field trips. Some with our support group, most on our own. Again, depending on my mood. If I am in a socialable mood, we go with our friends. If I am not, it is just me and my kids. We all like it that way sometimes. The boys tend to be more like me, Princess is more like her Dad and likes to be around people. Sometimes, we crave being around our friends. There is always something going on if that mood happens to strike. The kids attended a wonderful Science class last year and we have parties/meetings all the time. Lego Club, on and on it goes. They are constantly around other kids, so there is no worry about the socialization aspect that many people who do not understand home-schooling worry about. In Public school, there is not much socializing anyway. Classes, on the way to classes, and maybe lunch. That is their day. When do they get to socialize and visit?? The best part is, us parents (some of the families we know, the DAD home-schools and his wife works and brings home the bacon) are there most of the time to supervise and guide our kids along the way. There is no way teachers can keep an eye as well as we all do and kids attending school get away with murder. Literally sometimes.

Clown is a perfect example of the benefits of home-schooling. The kid just turned seven and has been reading on his own since he was four. Multiplies. Was counting by twos and telling me all about odd and even numbers when he was THREE years old??? We just let him exlpore and figure things out on his own. He is constantly spouting off trivia and information. I hear him telling Princess all kinds of interesting facts and find him reading to her. We play games by the hour and that has really helped them all to learn all kinds of things. We just settle down on a cool fall day with some fresh cookies that we all made (math) and cuddle together with a good book. This past year, with me being in a funk and a depression, which was foreign to me, we did not do as much as I had planned. We have all kinds of materials at our disposal and I did not get around to making use of them.

I love home-schooling the kids. LOVE IT. I feel like it is my calling and what I was meant to do. Yet...I need a break. Not from them, but from them fighting with each other. If I was better organised, things would go smoother. When I had a set schedule set up (which goes against my nature, but I tried it for Brain because he thrives on that) they seemed less frantic and they did get along a lot better. If I stray from that and we don't get our half hour a day scheduled time with me...chaos ensues. They all look so forward to that half an hour a day uninterrupted time with me. Especially Brain, the "mamma's boy". But I can't do it all the time, it just doesn't work.

Brain told his counselor that he would like to try public school again. That is really what got me considering it. Now Jock is all excited about it. Clown will stay home. Princess will attend Kindergarten. She needs girly time and will meet more little girls this way and be able to have friends over. All the girls she knows now are teenagers. They are sweet to her and very patient, but she craves little girl time.

So we went and got the boys' pictures taken yesterday. Got their ASB cards made, paid for the yearbooks, etc. Got them all enrolled and found out their schedules. They are both really excited. Jock has been worried that he will be behind in math. Myself and his two best friends (who have attended the same school and constantly tell him to relax, he will be fine) are always trying to reassure him. So I am glad that they will attend the same school. Brain in grade 8 and Jock in Grade 6. I am really not sure how I feel. I am excited for them, but dread the negative aspects that I have been avoiding for years. *sigh*

One thing to note. Brain had me dye his hair black yesterday. We straightened it. It is still too short for the look he wants. With the curls he has, it is just wavy, not straight like he wanted. He has it hanging in his face and wears a hat. Says he is now willing to get contacts and practise putting them in. We tried last fall and he did not want them at that time. He is wearing mostly black and keeps his head hanging down. Walks along with his hands in his pockets and eyes downcast. Speaks in a monotone, with no emotion. Says he wants to be unapproachable and if people want to apprcoach him, that is fine. If not, who cares. He saw some of his friends from when he attended public school five years ago. He just muttered something at them under his breathe and would not make eye contact. I told him on the walk home, I draw the line at rudeness. I told him I will support him in this new role he wants to put himself in. He is trying to figure out who he wants to be and that is fine. But when someone speaks to you, you look them in the eye and don't mumble. He continued the monotone and I was SO TEMPTED to smack the kid. I was getting madder and madder. He just kept up this calm, no emotion way of speaking and was saying things like, "Mum, this is how I am choosing to act. I want to come to school first as this person and see the reaction I get. I am curious to see what people think of it." I said I understood, but he WILL NOT keep his eyes down and talk that way when people speak. People were raising their eyebrows and looking at me like "What is the deal??" Which is fine, he is a teenager. But I am sure he will learn quickly that will get him nowhere with the teachers. He continued to speak that way to me and I continued to tell him to stop. Once we got past a certain point in our walk home, he turned into his sweet self again and ran to catch up with Jock and talk with him.

I am not permitted to post photos of Brain's new look until he fine tunes it. We are taking him for a trim, since he has so many split ends. He thinks it will be closer to how he wants by Christmas time. It is odd to see him caring suddenly about how he looks. He has never cared in the slightest. He was in front of the mirror for a long time yesterday and constantly adjusting his shirt and striking different poses.

Ok, as always, these are certainly muddled ponderings. I need to get off of here, hope some of this made sense. Again. I hope to not offend anyone. I was just sharing how I feel about the education system. I think it will be a neat experience for them this year, I am just really very conflicted. Stud wants to do this much more than I do. Man, I just dunno. I hope I like this:( At least I will still have my Clown with me.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Crazy G!!

I am going to post some of the goofy pictures G took of herself with my camera when Brain and Princess were up there. Some of them were taken by Princess and Brain, but most were taken by G herself!

Her older sister E works at a museum. They all went to check it out and here are some shots from there. Maybe you have to know her to really appreciate these pictures. She is a total ham and always has been. I love how in some of them Brain is just sitting there in all his fluffy-headed goodness, with that look on his face. LOL

There are more, but they are turned to the side and I don't know how to do anything about that. Maybe Stud can help me later.


Monday, August 21, 2006

Let's try this...

Ok, I was going to do each post with just a photo like I have seen others do, but that is not working.

So here are some more. G and Princess painted their nails.

The cousins love to be together!

Ok, this dern thing is taking too long and not working. I have friends wondering where their e-mails are, a house to clean and yoga to do. So I am not wasting any more time right now!

More later. (I hope!)

Princess and her cousin G

On their way


I just spent a lot of time writing out a new post. It was all about getting Brain and Priness yesterday. I was adding a few photos when something went wrong and it is ALL GONE. I am just sitting here in shock!

Man, it was awesome, too. All exciting, with drama and mystery...cute stories and great quotes...MAN.

Well, it will have to wait now, I have stuff I need to do.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Forgot to mention

Yes, I forgot to mention that my mother is having a hard time doing Brain's laundry. I did not even think about it, but much of his clothing is hand-me-downs from my little brother. Since Brain is only 9 months younger than Davy, he always got bags full of clothes and he just loves them. It is bittersweet to look back at photos of Davy wearing a particular shirt and then look over at Brain and he is wearing the exact same shirt.

I wish I had thought of that, I would have made it a point to only send clothes that I had bought for Brain and were not handed down. The problem is, Brain packed his own suitcase! He is old enough to do that on his own and most of his absolute must-haves and FAVOURITES, happen to be Davy's old ones. Many of them are fleecy and cozy and since Brain has no body fat, he loves to be all warm and cozy. Now that I really sit and think about it, I think I thought about it a bit before he left and we both just shared a look. He kind of looked at me with a look that said, "I need to wear these. It is important to me and I am sure Granny will be alright." Then I totally forgot, until my poor Mum said something very tearfully on the phone one time, about washing Davy's old things for Brain and seeing him wearing them.

Brain said on the phone yesterday, that he was so upset they did not go to the cemetery the original day that was planned, because they were all placing a cross out there that a good friend had made for Davy. Brain really wanted to be there for that. He and Princess told me that when they went there yesterday on the way to Tia and Tio's in Calgary, that all of them did well. He and Princess said none of them cried and that is was very nice to go out there and they are so glad they could. They are tougher than I.

The kids and I missed church today. Slept late. Stud went to play guitar as he does most Sundays. He should be back soon. Freckles was excited to go to church and be in Clown's class, so I feel bad that we didn't make it. I took her, Jock and Brain for a bike ride up at the school. Now they are still riding around outside while I try to get the Master Bedroom emptied so the carpet can be put in on Tuesday. Freckles' parents will be here to get her in a few hours and then I will leave for Canada! YAHOO!!!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

My babies are coming home!!!

Well, tomorrow I leave to get my babies. The oldest and youngest are coming home!

Brain could care less. He is having the time of his life. When I was talking to him the other day, I asked if he is helping with daily chores like he does here. He hesitated and admitted no, he was not. He knew he should be, he was just having so much fun going places, sleeping in, visiting and playing on the computer. The main thing he is loving is not doing his laundry. He seemed amazed at the fact that his clothes just appear, all clean and folded in his suitcase! LOL It has been so long since I have done he and Jock's laundry, that he forgets how nice it is:) We joked a bit about how amazing it is that his supper appears out of thin air, and how his precious and dearly loved Granny actually has nothing to do with that! We use a lot of sarcasm.

I loved hearing his laugh and how his voice is changing and getting squeaky sometimes. He was saying how he had been snacking on popcorn twists and grape pop. He LOVES popcorn twists and craves them all the time at home here. For you Americans, it is a yummy treat like chips, kind of. Can't really describe them, but they are one of his many beloved Canadian delicacies.

Princess keeps telling me she is going to give me a "GREAT BIG BEAR HUG" when she sees me:) She has been having so much fun, but is certainly ready to come home. She misses her Daddy a lot and always asked me on the phone, how he was and what he was doing. So I would suggest to him that he call her and when he did call her from work a few times she was very pleased. I got her some new shirts, a pair of pants, fall coat, socks and some new "church" shoes. They are laid out on her bed for her to see right when she gets home! I also got her a Princess paper doll making kit today. I got Brain some new clothes and fun things too, I can't wait to see what they think of their gifts when they get back:) He has always loved Medieval things, so I got him a really cool book about that.

When my parents and some siblings went to my brother's grave on the one year anniversary of his burial, Brain and Princess were sick and could not go. So my parents asked them if they wanted to try again and they both said it was important for them to go, they felt the need to do that. So they were going to stop by there on the 6 hour drive to my brother and SIL's today. I have not heard from them yet, will need to call soon. They will stay there tonight and then everyone will take them to the airport tomorrow to catch their flight to Vancouver. I will leave here at about 4 to make sure I make it through the border and will be there in plenty of time. We were all going to go, but Stud says he will stay home with the boys and get all the furniture moved out of our bedroom for the carpet installation on Tuesday! I am SO EXCITED about finally getting new carpet! I will devote a post to that once it is installed next week:)

Today Stud finished what we had planned on this one wall in the house. When you walk into the house, the main wall in the entry had this pastel striped wallpaper on it for years. In June, we stripped it and painted it green when we redid the entry way and stairway. We planned to sponge a darker green over that and he did that today. It looks REALLY GOOD! The new light fixtures are on order and we are not sure when they will be in. So we got that done and I got a huge load of food from Costco.

We have three friends over today. Giggles and Smiley are here for a few hours. Their parents have been watching our kids a lot lately, so Stud and I can attend regular sessions with our counselor and go on regular dates to try and re-connect. The kids have been having a good time. Right now, Giggles and Jock are playing Stratego. Smiley, Clown and our other friend Freckles (She is two months older than Clown and they have been best buds since infancy. Her Dad and Stud are best friends and carpool to work together every day) are outside playing some very loud imaginary game together. And Stud is watching TV. Freckles is staying over night. We have not had her sleep over for a long time, and it is long past due time to do so!

She is very pleased that I let her chose what to eat for supper. We ordered pizza! She wanted Giggles and Smiley to know that SHE chose that and she was beaming her adorable grin to anyone who was around. I will ask her parents if I can post some photos, I am sure they will say yes. Her Dad was keeping a blog before and he had pics of she and her little sister on it.

Alright, I am off of here for now. Will let you know about Princess and Brain's holiday soon and see what photos they took that I can post. Also more on my baby brother shortly.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Baby girl

Ok, that photo of the boys put me in mind of this one of Princess. This was from April of 2004, so she was three and a half. We had driven from here down to Disneyland. We stopped at my cousin's house that first night and the kids played with their second cousins for a while.

This was when we arrived at the hotel, from my cousin's. She and Jock are so similar in many ways, awkward sleeping positions amoung them:)

Clown wanted to talk to Brain, so I called my parents. My dad had to wake the goofball up! At after noon there. He sure is a typical teenager. He says he wants to stay another four months, this has not been long enough. He is mad that he has to leave in a few days.

Princess, on the other hand, is homesick. Which makes sense since she is only five and has traveled many places this summer. All of them without me with her, which she isn't too thrilled about. She is out with my mother right now, taking one of the foster babies to her physio therapy appointment. Later today, they are off to the park that our kids love to go to. Whenever they are in Saskatoon, they must go to this park. It has a carousel, pool, tiny ferris wheel, yummy treats and a train you can ride on. She still talks about three summers ago when my Dad shared her bubble gum ice cream with her and it was melting everywhere. Hey, I will post some pictures of that, too! teehee It was SO HOT out and this ice cream was all over everything!

So here she is with her Grandad.

Look! There is bubble gum in it!

See Granny??

Messy girl!

Alright, the boys and I are off to meet friends at the theatre and go see "Barnyard". I warned the boys that the male cattle have udders and to try and get past that and just enjoy the movie. Then we come back here to clean and de-clutter since we are getting new carpet in the master bedroom and the stairway next week. We need to get our room all cleaned out and all the furniture out of there by Tuesday. UGH! It will be worth it though:)

Have a great day everyone!

Our Three sons

During my search for photos of my little brother, I have come across some cute ones of our kids.

Just wanted to share this one of the three boys asleep on one of our 20 hour drives to my parents' in Saskatchewan.

I think this is so cute. It is from two years ago. Look at poor Jock! I can't imagine sleeping with my head at such an awkward angle.

Monday, August 14, 2006

David Matthew

Ok, let's get a start on the posts on my baby brother. We will need to go back in time to the 1960's and 1970's first.

My mother gave birth to her four natural children in the space of four and a half years. My oldest brother was born in 1965. When he was 18 months old, my second brother was born six weeks prematurely. He had a blood transfusion at birth and was very sickly. When she took him for his six week check up, she discovered that she was pregnant with my third brother. What can I say, my parents were frisky! LOL He was born six weeks prior to the second boy's first birthday! Now they had three boys under the age of two and a half!

The largest age gap between kids is between myself and that third boy. I was born when he was 22 months old. They had planned to have at least eight children. But because my mother was 25 years old, with four kids under the age of 5, her body could not handle another pregnancy. There were other factors, if memory serves, but that one always sticks out in my mind. Needless to say, she was devastated and wanted more and more babies.

Fast forward to 1972. I was three years old when we got our first foster baby. That was the start of over thirty years of taking in foster children. Some we had for a weekend, others for as long as two years. We remember them all fondly. We have hundreds of photos and my mother kept records for a while. She had a notebook with a photo and a little write up about each child. After 90 kids, she could not keep up with it all! LOL

The ones we had for long periods, she always sent away with a book of their own, full of their art work and photos of all of us together. It was horrible having some of those kids leave. Some were adopted, some were placed back into care and some went back to their families. Over the years, we have had over 200 little sweety pies come in and out of our home.

As my parents got older, they went back to just babies. Easier on them. No more toddlers getting into everything and needing to be potty trained, etc. They had some "special needs" kids and that ended up being what they really loved.

In February of 1992, my parents got a call that would change our lives forever. There had been a little boy born with Cerebral Palsy and all kinds of other disabilities. He apparently had not much in the brain area and was thought to be blind, deaf and would be a "vegetable". The doctors said he would not live past his first birthday. His parents had three sons and did not feel like they could handle all of this one's special needs. We were always sad that anyone could make a choice like that, and did not understand. But as the years went by, we were grateful every day that they did make that choice and WE got to have our home and family blessed by that angelic little boy.

I wish I had an early photo to share. All the baby pictures of him are not digital of course and we don't have a scanner. Not a working one, anyway. I am hoping to post a slide show to share on here one day soon, perhaps within another post on him.

That is all I can do for now, can't see the screen anymore.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Family photos

My niece E let me know that she lives in Nova Scotia. I still can't believe I could not think of it!!! She was a bit surprised (as was I) that I did not mention that she also graduated from High School at age 16. I guess I thought I implied that she was young, since she is going into her second year of University and she just turned 18. Still, I did not make that clear. So there you are.

I will post some shots from two years ago, at a Family Reunion on my Dad's side. This was one year and one day before my little brother died. Boy, little did we know what heartache and pain the next August would bring us.

This is my nephew, S, with Princess. Note how similar his hair is to Brain's. Brain's is a bit more unruly and frizzy, like mine. But the little ringlets and curls are in both. We cut about eight inches off of Princess's hair shortly after this picture was taken. She had been begging us, and Stud and I could not bring ourselves to chop off those ringlets. They never have returned, just like we suspected:( But she was SO HOT all the time. We have cut off 16 more inches since then. She really has no trouble growing hair!

This is S's sister, E, holding my little brother, her uncle. We always love this trampoline at the place we hold the Reunions. Davy loved it, as you can maybe see by his face! There is a smaller younger Clown jumping on there also. Jock is there in the blue shirt and the yellow backed dude is my oldest brother, E, S and G's Dad. He is THE COOLEST:) He worked really hard at many jobs and school and trying to see his kids. His wife divorced him when G was not even a year old. He is now a social worker in Northern Saskatchewan. I couldn't do it. But that is an entirely different post.

This is my FAVOURITE picture ever taken of G and Princess! Isn't it cool?? Aren't they stunning???

The seven cousins with their Uncle. Who was younger than some and barely older than others. My brother's three kids basically grew up with him and had an even closer bond than my kids, of course. Since we don't get up there very often.

Stud and I with our babies, during happier times.

Ok, just wanted to post some of these. I need to get working on the post telling all about my sweet precious brother and showing Jude my before/after pictures of all the work we have done in the house here in the six years since we moved in.

Toodles! Off to eat my Jenny Craig lunch. Man, I have stuck to this perfectly and have not lost anything in almost a week. Is this normal, anyone know?? Will I suddenly drop a few more pounds and then the scale will stay the same and then suddenly a few more?? My pants are already loose and uncomfy, which is great. I really wanted to be about 8 lbs less than I am by the end of this month. I suppose that is still possible, eh??

Have a great day everyone!!!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Well, yesterday I packed Jock and Clown up and we drove down to meet Stud for a picnic in the park near his office. I had no idea there was a park there until he suggested it!!!! We will certainly do this more often.

I hope Stud enjoyed himself as much as the kids and I did. It was SO PRETTY!

Brain and Princess were both sick the day everyone went to my brother's grave. So they could not go:( Granny says they will take them at some point before they leave to come back home here. Princess especially, feels the need to go. I am expecting Brain may change his mind, but we shall see.

They are having a great time with their two older cousins. My oldest brother has three kids. A nineteen year old son, who lives in NY state and is starting his 4th year at Vassar College. He graduated from high school when he was 16, just like my Dad did. He is not in Canada now, he is working and only had two weeks off. So they won't see him this summer:(

Then there is an 18 year old daughter who is starting her second year at Acadia University in...hmmmmmmm...where was that again?? Out East. Dern, I can't think of the province, aren't I horrible!?!? What province do you live in, E??? LOL I know she reads this:)

Anyway, they both graduated from a nice school in Costa Rica. Him in 2003 and her last year. My brother and I flew down to CR for his son's Grad, but E did not want us to, so we did not go last year. Then the third daughter is going into grade 11 at her school in Damascus, Syria. This is her fourth year there. Their mother teaches at international schools. They have lived in Egypt, Costa Rica and now Syria. They have traveled to over 30 countries and backpacked through Europe, etc. So those two, the 18 and 16 year old girls are there with Brain and Princess.

G, the 16 year old, leaves for Syria again soon:( So they only have today left to spend with her. I talked with them on the phone last night and G was helping Princess with something. They are making something for me, apparently. I am so excited to see it, this niece is incredibly talented and creative!!! She also gave Princess some "dangly" earrings to go with this one dress Princess has. I will post a picture of her in her "rainbow dress". G called me last night to ask if it was alright to give these to Princess, because they will go so perfectly:)

I am hoping to get Clown and Jock to get up soon and then we are off to get some shopping done and go for a bike ride.

OH! I started Jenny Craig about ten days ago and it appears I have lost about eight pounds:) I am SO EXCITED! Only 28 more to go to get to my goal weight:) teehee This food is GOOD and it is SO EASY. The only thing I don't like, is how expensive it is. I have been meaning to start for months, but did not want to spend the money. I am already glad that I did:)

Ok, here will be a photo of Princess soon before she left for Canada, making Cookies in her "rainbow dress".

Oh no, seeing these makes me miss the little fart even more!!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Trip to beloved Canada

As I said earlier, Brain and Princess left on Friday for Canada. What a fiasco!

We were not sure who all was going. Jock and Clown did not want to go for the same reasons I could not go. They also did not want to go if I was not with them. I could not go. I thought I could, but when it came down to it, I could not. I have not been dealing with my brother's death very well. To go back there, right around when he died...nope. NO thanks. Way too traumatic. Part of me thinks I should have gone, to help me heal. They all went today to put a cross on his grave. We buried him a year ago yesterday. They could not go until today. I may try to fly up in a few months, but I can't go now. GREAT! I am bawling now. Crud. I did not want to get weepy. I will have to post about him soon, I feel it all coming.

Anyway, Brain is determined to go no matter what. He has such a bond with my family and wishes to live there often. He just adores it, it is almost like some magical place to him or something. Princess ADORES my parents and SIL and is especially fond of the laundry chute my parents have in their new house. Seriously, like right when they got there and Brain called me, Princess was instructing her Tia (my SIL) to go down in the laundry room so that she could dump laundry on her head. She had done that by mistake this past Christmas to my mother and got such a kick out of it! LOL So she was busy having fun with that and could not talk to me right away. The things that please kids, eh????

Brain was a nervous wreck. He has flown countless times since he was a baby, but never without me. I did not pay extra for a chaperone, because the dude will be 14 in November. I think he can handle getting off a plane, looking for "Baggage Claim" and meeting my brother there.

Guess not. He was almost vomitting, he was so worked up! He asked me to pray with him, right there by the gate. I went on a bit and when I said "Amen" and opened my eyes, the gatekeeper dude was standing there looking very uncomfortable. Aw well, Brain felt a bit better. He was not worried about flying at all, but getting lost when they landed in Calgary. As it turned out, a flight attendent offered to take him to baggage claim, where he and Princess were reunited with his Tio (Uncle, for those who do not know Spanish:)! Just in case!) and all was well.

I felt SO BAD for said Tio, though. They missed their flight and he was at the airport FREAKING OUT wondering where they were. He called our oldest brother, who was at our parents' house. I was speaking to my niece after the fact(the oldest's 16 year old daughter) and she said that she was scared to death when her Dad was talking to our brother in Calgary. He called and was telling the oldest one how my kids were not there. My niece said her Dad's voice got all choked up and he seemed incredibly upset and worried. She said she started panicking also, seeing her Dad that way. She was so worried something bad had happened. I think we are all very traumatized since my brother died last summer. All of us found out over the phone. I will post about it soon. Anyway, the brother in Calgary told the brother in Saskatoon not to tell our mother and get her worried. LOL So of course he went right to our mother and was like, "R says Brain and Princess are not there. He is pretty panicked!" The poor people. Let me explain.

When I was driving the kids up there, we got through the border just fine. There was a bit of a hitch when I could not locate the letter Stud wrote, saying I had his permission to take his children out of the country. I could not find it and was shocked that she let me go anyway. I was actually not impressed with that, but grateful since we were pressed for time. I KNEW I had the letter right there, and about two minutes later, sure enough! We found it right stuck between my seat and the console thingy of the car. ARG!

So that was not a problem, but once we got up further, towards Vancouver, it was obvious we would miss the flight. It took us ONE HOUR to travel ONE KILOMETRE!?!?!? They have these stupid lanes with red X's and green arrows. There were hundreds of cars in four or five lanes, all being pushed into one lone lane. This took an hour. Once I saw there was no way we would make it, I called Stud and told him to call my brother before he left for the airport (There is an hour time difference between here and Alberta and the flight is only an hour. So I knew my brother would be leaving soon.) and then please call WestJet and see what we could do about a later flight. I did not have my bro's cell phone # with me, it was in the trunk in Brain's backpack with some loonies so he could call his Uncle if he needed to once they landed.

Instead, Stud called WestJet first. By the time Stud called my brother, he had left for the airport!! ARG!!! LOL I am still not sure if he and his wife and baby went back home and heard the message, or what happened.

Anyway, the kids and I arrived at the airport THIRTEEN minutes after their original flight would have been closing the doors and pulling out of the gate. *sigh* So I exchanged some American money, gave the flying kids some Canadian cash and then we ate something. We were going to get our favourite drinks from Tim Horton's (a yummy doughnut/sandwich/coffee place for all you non-Canadians:)!! teehee) but the kids were in the mood for pizza, so we had Pizza Hut.

Brain looked around, commenting to his sibs about how awesome Canada is. Just look at a simple airport, he said. Look at how much nicer it is than Sea-Tac or other ones we have been to. Look at all the artwork and food places and fun stores. The food in Canada is better, it is prettier, cleaner, etc. They just nodded and agreed and smiled at me. We often have to sit and listen to Brain go on and on about how much he loves Canada. As scared as he was to fly without us, he was willing to do it to be in that country and see his mother's family.

Sorry that is so out of order. I am more muddled than usual!

Princess is having fun with the two foster babies that her my parents have right at the moment. In their sixties and still taking in foster kids. They have done that since I was three years old and love it! She is enjoying that and having time with her new cousin who she and Brain just met. Wee Mr. J is not so wee anymore. He is only six weeks old now and such a big chunky guy! Sure wish I could post photos! ARG!

Stud, Jock and Clown are out sleeping in a tent in the backyard. They love that and Stud remembered how they love it every summer and set it up last week. The kids were so thrilled!!!! The four guys had a good time out there before Brain and Princess left on holiday, and Princess was able to sleep with me in our bed. She was going to sleep with them, but chickened out at the last minute. We were all six going to sleep out there, but Stud realised there was not enough room after all.

So they are out there and I am off to bed.

I will close with a few photos from the SC trip. Jock with a fish he caught, the kids with their great-grandmother and a frog on the outside of the lakehouse.

Good night all!!!

Saturday, August 05, 2006


Alright, I will explain as best I can what has been going on lately. I am quite upset and my hands are shaking as I type. I will correct as many typos as I can.

I need to backtrack a bit. Stud and I met on the internet in 1988. I was attending the U of R (University of Regina) in Regina, Sask. Canada. He was attending Clemson in South Carolina. We started talking in August of 1988 (Eighteen years ago!?!? I feel SO OLD!!!) and he flew up in December of that year for us to meet in person. I flew down in April of 1989 for three weeks. He flew up again in July for about a week and then in December, when we were married in Saskatoon. Our relationship consisted of those visits, talking often on the phone and some letters. Not your typical courtship.

Stud had a very close friend all through high school. We shall call her "M". He raved about her all the time. He had pictures of her on his bulletin board and carried a photo of her in his wallet for many years. He may actually still have it in here, I am not sure. I met her a few times and I really liked her. We had a few laughs and I thought she was cool. I can't remember if we spent more time together after Stud and I were married and I moved down there, or during my three week trip in the Spring of 1989.

We moved up here in 1991. The plan had always been to settle in Canada. He had told me whether we ended up together or not, he wanted to live in Canada. Which I found odd since he never made much attempt at getting a job up there. Anyway, we settled here as a compromise. Not Canada, not South Carolina.

Brain was born in 1992 and Jock in 1995. In 1997, when Jock was almost two, we moved back to SC. Stud thought it best if our children grew up near family. Soon after we moved there, M called me (I think. Maybe Stud asked me to call her, not sure. I am certain she called me, though) and asked if Stud and I were going to their ten year High School Reunion. They actually graduated in '86, but were having the ten year in 1997. I talked to her a bit. She was married and due with her first child at this time. Stud and I ended up not going and I am not sure if she and her hubby went or not.

We lived there until 2000. I never heard from her again. I asked Stud a few times while we lived there if we were going to go visit her, meet her baby etc. He never seemed interested. Once we moved back here in 2000, I would ask sometimes when we went back down for visits. Are we going to try to see M??? He said there would be no time. I was kind of confused by it. I found it odd that if they were such good buddies, they would not make more of an effort to keep in touch. I knew I would, and just thought how men are different and I guess I won't press the issue. If he wants us to visit her, he will make it happen.

This past winter, he told me that he saw her on the classmates thingy that he looks at sometimes. He contacted her and they were e-mailing. He said he was worried, she had not mentioned her hubby. Soon, she told him that she and her hubby had recently divorced. Which was what Stud was suspecting and worried about. We thought how sad that was. I told him to tell her I was sorry and that I said hi and was thinking about her.

For about a month, he would come home and tell me briefly the latest from her. Soon, the updates stopped. I asked him when I thought of it (every month or three weeks, I suppose) how is M doing?? You have not mentioned her. He said he was busy at work and had been meaning to get in touch, but had not. He would soon and then update me when he did. This went on for about 4 or 5 months, still apparently no contact with her.

About a month before he and kids were leaving for SC, I thought "OH! Stud should visit with M when he is down there. He has not seen her in so long, that would be cool." Then I forgot about it. A few days later, I did ask him something along the lines of how is she and has he heard from her. He maintained he had been busy and had not heard anything in a long time.

He and the kids had been in SC about three days when I got an e-mail from him saying that he and M had met for lunch. I was glad for him and asked how she was, etc. He also said that he and his mother were taking our kids to the lakehouse that day (Friday, July 21st) and his sister could not come because she was due with her baby any day. The plan had never been for them to be there then. When he had talked about the lakehouse plans, he always maintained they were not going until Sunday afternoon. I remember he was annoyed, because I would suggest they go earlier, so the kids could have even more time there. He got very short with me when I suggested that.

That night I called him at the lake house and he acted odd immediately. I asked him what they were doing and who all ended up going. He said he and our kids, his mother and M and her kids. My immediate respsonse was "Why didn't I even think of that?? Now our kids will have some kids to play with, how fun!?!?"

Within a few seconds, something pricked somewhere in my mind. I was thinking..."wait a minute. Something seems a bit off. If they had not been in touch at all, this all seems a bit sudden here. Lunch and now this...weird..." So I asked him something along the lines of "Was this planned before you left home??" He confirmed, yes, it had been planned for some time. He was whispering to someone, they whispered back and then a door closed. Something just seemed weird and secretive.

I got off the phone and my friend D, who was here from Spokane, looked at my face and immediately knew something was wrong. I told her what the deal was and she admitted it seemed odd, but we were both sure there was some explanation.

Turns out they stayed Friday AND Saturday night because Stud's mother's car broke down when they were trying to leave Saturday afternoon. I am still confused as to why no one else could come and get them (their home is about 90 minutes away from the lake) and why they had to stay another night. But whatever.

So when I was talking to Stud about that problem on Saturday night, all of a sudden I heard a voice in my head say "Ask him where everyone is sleeping." I thought that was silly, and brushed it aside and talked about other things. But the idea of where they slept would not leave. I prepared myself for what he said. It still felt like a slap to the face, though.

He said that he and M slept in the guest room together, each in their own queen sized bed with their five year old daughters. Her nine year old son, Clown and Jock all slept out in the Living Room and his mother in a King sized bed in the Master Bedroom. I found that not only amazingly inappropriate, but was surprised by something. Stud avoids sleeping with our kids at all costs. If they ask to sleep with us, he gets mad and goes to a couch or makes them feel sad and they just go to their room and don't sleep with us. He HATES sleeping with our kids and doesn't hide that fact. So to hear that he volunteered (I later found out he is the one who suggested the sleeping arrangements) to sleep with Princess, was very bizarre.

He claims I over analyze things. To a degree he is right. I feel I have no choice, most of the time. Being married to a guy who does not speak to me really, I have to guess and press and ask question after question to get the most simple explanation of anything. He feels interrogated by this. I have begged him for years to just TALK TO ME and I won't feel the need to make assumptions, and second guess things all the time.

Anyway, once I found that out, I was pretty upset. Couldn't eat really. Wasn't sleeping because of the heat, but on Saturday night when I laid down to try and sleep, I kept thinking over and over in my mind, "Right at this moment, Stud is sleeping in the same room as another woman. Our children know this, I wonder how this will effect them and what they think of it. Here is yet ANOTHER example of how disrespectful he is to me."

Found out also that lunch, was not lunch out, but alone at her house. Her kids were nowhere (Stud says he doesn't even know where) and he did not even tell our kids where he was going or THAT he was going anywhere. They asked his mother a while after they noticed that he was gone. Jock tells me that one night before that (he can't remember if it was the night they got there (Tuesday) or Wednesday night, Stud also went to see M. He said he would be gone for half an hour and Jock fell asleep before he got back. In the morning, his mother said something to him along the lines of "You were gone a lot longer than half an hour last night." and Stud just shrugged and smiled.

Stud told me since that he only went for lunch, he went nowhere at night. However, he is not an honest person, so unfortunately, I will believe my children who were there and witnessed this, over someone who has often kept things from me and been dishonest. I still have NO IDEA why he has always felt the need to lie and keep information from me. It has always hurt me deeply and counselors have tried to get him to figure out why he does it. The worst part is that he is in denial about that. Had a gift of turning it around and making me question myself and doubt myself. As the years have gone by, I have become better and no longer doubt myself as much as I had been. I have not asked the children a lot of questions, I do not want to be that kind of person. Thankfully, I have not needed to. They have come to me with many concerns.

Jock called me very upset the night before they came home. He said his Dad was going places with M a lot and that he was VERY nice to her. I asked what he meant by very nice and he was trying not to cry. He said, "He just talks to her a lot nicer than he does you. He isn't mean to her AT ALL. And they sit together a lot and are always touching each other and just really friendly." Then he whispered "Mum...they slept in the SAME ROOM."

I told him I knew that and how did that make him feel. I could just see his precious face and his teeth gritted together when he spit out, "I DON'T LIKE IT." I told him could tell me anything that was bothering him when he got home and to not worry, Daddy and I would deal with it. Then he said, "I am seeing...other things." He wouldn't tell me what he meant and he had to go, lots of people were coming in and out of the room he was in. I tell you, I was LIVID that Stud put Jock through this. If he wants to act inappropriately, he does NOT need to involve our precious innocent children.

So, now for the short part. I have been unhappy in our relationship for years. From day one, Stud has been incredibly self absorbed. Thankfully, he never hesitates to admit that fact. During the years before children, I worked at least two jobs at a time. He was always out with friends, going to bars late and wanting me to come with him, even though that is not my scene at all. He would spend the night at people's houses, not call to let me know what was happening, etc. I did not have my driver's license until Brain was a baby, so I relied totally on Stud, or walking, bus or biking, to get myself places. So many times, Stud would "Forget" to pick me up from one of my jobs and I would arrive home drenched from walking in the rain to find him playing video games with his buddies.

When the children came along, he says he felt ignored. I laugh thinking back at it now. We always planned on having kids, but I had Brain when I did, BECAUSE I wanted some attention, someone to take care of and something to do other than work back breaking jobs all the time. I didn't realise at the time that was my reasoning, but looking back I see it now. I was incredibly lonely. I had left my country and family, only to be ignored and I felt, used. I had hot meals ready, kept the place clean and was good for sex. So I was confused later, when I devoted myself to the people who paid me attention, needed me, and LOVED me, that he felt ignored?? He had me before and never gave me the time of day. Why was he suddenly jealous of some small innocent people???

Stud has some valid points. I am not as physically affectionate with him as he needs. He says that nothing he does is ever good enough. I can understand him feeling this way. The thing is, I have BEGGED him for years to tell me how he feels, tell me what I am doing wrong or what he needs from me, and he has acted totally caught off guard and said things are awesome, nothing at all is wrong. I have told him it is wrong for me, this is how I feel...yadda yadda. For a few days it seems he tries to be nicer but it never lasts long at all.

He says I judge him and M does not. She just listens. Well, if dude WOULD TALK TO ME, I would listen also. One of my main frustrations has been that he refuses to talk or open up, tell me about ANYTHING. When he does talk to me, it is to talk down to me. He is AMAZINGLY condescending and demeaning. Many people have pointed it out over the years and we have actually lost friends because they are so uncomfortable seeing how he talks to me. Obviously, I am guilty too. It is not just him. I am convinced that it is a defense mechanism that I developed to deal with the painful things he has said and done. Doesn't make it right and I am not excusing myself. Just stating a fact. M listens because she doesn't have SIXTEEN years of pain and frustration built up. Of course she will listen?!?

Anyway, finally in our counseling on Friday he admitted that he may not want to stay married. I have often fantasized over the years about what it would be like to be "free" and not live with the constant walking on egg shells. So I admit to being quite excited and relieved at the idea. Jock has asked me off and on for the past three or four years to divorce his Dad. He adores him, but Stud is really in his own little world much of the time. When he comes out of it he is also quite controlling and just honestly out for himself. I could give countless examples, but I won't. At least not right now.

He says he wants to be a bachelor again. He doesn't want to fight over the kids, which is great. He is just now getting in touch with how he feels about things and needs time to get used to these feelings. Turns out he calls M from the office and his cell phone fairly regularly. He won't tell me how often. He deleted all the e-mails between them and then had me waste about 20 minutes the other night looking for them. Then went through a big production about him searching and then finally admitted, "OH, I guess I did delete them after all." Just another example of the mind games and control he enjoys. He reads my e-mail. Read through everything I said to anyone about any of it. I have always told him exactly how I feel and do not hide things from him. That is all I have ever wanted from him, but he is incapable of it for some reason. I am sure nothing physical is even going on with he and M, they are just there for each other emotionally (which of course for me, a woman, is just as bad. Especially when I have BEGGED for years and tried to be there for him and he refused) but he loves to just play games with me and make me wonder. Very cruel.

Man, I had guys all over me all the time 35 pounds ago. I was constantly being flirted with and asked to go out, even though it was no secret I was married. They didn't care. And they were relentless, they DID NOT GIVE UP. At least guys I worked with. Other guys who I didn't know, like just guys in the street or whatever, even when I was with my little kids, would come talk to me and ask me stuff and whistle and come right out and say how great they thought I looked. I just never even considered it. I knew, especially as emotionally neglected as I was, if I went anywhere with any of my guy co-workers, I may cave in and do something bad and wrong. It is like the dude in the bible who was being tempted by that woman to sleep with him. He ran! That is what I did. You run from temptation, you don't purposely put yourself IN IT.

Even now, still. Guys look at me sometimes. Jock notices it more than me. He used to ask why that man was looking at me and smiling. I told him I wasn't sure. Now he just grins and says, "Another guy was checking you out, Mum. See that guy, he keeps smiling at you and nodding his head. I think he wants you to notice him or something." He thinks it is hilarious and really seems to get a kick out of it. I always think it must be because I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something. I never have had self confidence. It always annoyed Stud, too. Jock gets annoyed at me too and tells me I am pretty and that is why the guys look and smile. I guess there must be some truth to that. So that is great, whatever. When I was young and had them all over me, I didn't do anything. Stud is almost 40, you would think he would know better than to put himself in situations like he does. This is not the only incident. I had to call our Pastor a few years ago and ask him to talk to Stud because of inappropriate behaviour with another woman AT OUR HOUSE during weekly bible studies!?!?! *sigh*

So, we are not sure what we are going to do. At first, when Stud came back and was honestly telling me how he felt about M, I felt so relieved and happy. I was glad he was being honest. It was hard to hear, but I always just wanted honesty. He told me he has been talking to his Mom, sister, even his ex-fiance for crying out loud! But not me. The ONE PERSON who can do anything to fix it. That is hurtful and VERY frustrating since I KNEW he was feeling that way. You just don't treat people the way he treats me, if you loved and care about them. So I am confused about some things, but I was just glad he was being honest. I told him, now I feel connected. I always just wanted a connection. I felt SO good about him and was just really hopeful about things and felt more devoted and wanted to be a good wife and dote on him again like I used to etc.

Then, more lies again. The weird game about the e-mail. Just still being secretive. I refuse to live that way. So we will see where this goes. I DO NOT want my kids to be a product of divorce. I think that is SO SAD. Yet, I don't deserve to go through life always wondering what is going on, what is he doing, is he lying to me again about some silly little thing?? The thing that upsets me the most, is that he involved our kids in behaving the way he did when he was there. What a horrible thing to do. Jock is SO HURT and upset seeing his mother disrespected even more. *sigh*

So there you are. Stud is now back from riding on his motorcycle and we are off to shop for some things at Target. He told me it was fine for me to write how I feel on my blog. I wasn't sure if I was going to or not, but this is pretty huge and life altering.

Of course I will update you all. Thanks for listening and caring:)

Watch for some photos from their trip to SC shortly!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Long Silence

I am so sorry to worry any of you. Our DSL service was messed up and we could not get on-line until tonight.

Stud and the kids got home from SC safe and sound. It turns out that my worry was for something pretty shocking that had not even occurred to me would ever be an issue. I KNEW something major and very bad was going to happen. Call it women's intuition. I thought they would be injured or killed in a boating accident or during the travels or something. Thank the good Lord they were not. But the news is still not good at all.

I am exhausted now from spending the day taking Brain and Princess up to Vancouver to fly to my brother and SIL's in Calgary. They will leave tomorrow morning and drive to Saskatoon and spend two weeks there with my parents. My parents will then drive them back to Calgary to my Bro and SIL's. They will fly back to Vancouver on the 20th.

I will clarify what the women's intuition was about very soon. Perhaps tomorrow. I had been wanting to post about my brother and hopefully still will. Not only was the DSL causing problems, but I was very preoccupied with the bomb that has been dropped on our family.

Details to come...