Ok people, I need some advice.

Nothing majorly serious, but something that I can't seem to figure out on my own.

At the church Harvest Party, they had a raffle. There were various prizes and then a Grand prize for boys and one for girls. I glanced at what it said for girls (Make up kit) and was very excited about the boy one since my boys tend to get things less often than Bee. There is more stuff available for girls, it ALWAYS costs less and there is only ONE of her. If I see something for one boy, then I feel like I need to get them ALL something. So it ends up they get less things than her and less often, but when they DO get something, it is GOOD!

The boys Grand Prize was an RC Hummer. I knew B and R would LOVE it. I had a feeling I was going to win something. I have been winning things lately. You know - free cokes, free fries, door prizes at any function I go to. Lately, if something is to be won, I win. Simple.

For some reason it never dawned on me that I would win the Suitcase of Make-Up! LOL But sure enough. I am not a "girly girl" and have never been interested in stuff like that. People have always assumed it was because I grew up with so many brothers. My daughter is proof that this is not the case. She is growing up with the same amount of brothers I did, in the same birth order and everything. Yet, I am sure no one will ever meet a more feminine girl than her. EVER.

I have recently started trying to learn how to wear make up because I have always wanted to be feminine. I am after all, female. And I am struggling to act more that way. I like girly things. I like sparkles and flowers and butterflies. Always have. That is not an issue. I like pretty dresses (I just don't like wearing them. I HATE panty hose or heels or any of that nonsense) and try to make myself wear something like that sometimes, even though I don't enjoy it.

I wear cosmetics some days (when I remember to take the time to attempt applying it, I still think I do it wrong!!!) because I am aging rapidly. My family ages very prematurely. I am VERY grey, and have lots of wrinkles on my face. So I am trying to improve my looks at least just a little:) But this make-up thing was still a disappointment to me.

I walked up to the stage and get it and glanced and saw that it REALLY is little girl stuff. Fru fru bottles with feathers on them, etc etc. I only glanced because I felt guilty for having won it. My daughter needs that like she needs a kick in the head. She already has enough stuff for 5 little girls and hubby and I are NOT going to encourage any of this type of stuff anyway. I have commented to hubby how ironic it is that I suddenly became interested in applying goop to my face, when I finally had a little girl of my own. Now she watches me and wants some of her own, etc etc.

I wonder how much this has affected how "girly" she is. My mother was never that way, so possibly that had something to do with how she and I both tend to stay away from stereotypical female things. I am much more like that than my mother actually. I was introduced to pedicures when a friend got me a Gene Jaurez Salon gift certificate about 5 years ago for my birthday. Since then, I have had about 5 or so. My mother has never had one. Things like that, she is just NOT interested in. No make up, no jewelry (unless it is a necklace with a photo of a grandchild in it) and she avoids dresses as well. Pants suits is what she prefers. We are very much alike.

Wow, all that to ask you guys this:

Should I donate this prize to some little girl who "needs" it more?? Bee still does not know we won it. She was busy riding ponies and jumping on inflatable toys to hear it announced or see me to get it. A friend of mine put it in her office at the church and I have not seen it since that night. The plan is to sneak it out some Sunday morning (likely tomorrow) without Bee seeing it. This thing is seriously a SUITCASE and must weigh at least 20-30 lbs!!! It would last Bee YEARS and we don't want to allow her anything like this for some years from now, anyway. She just turned FIVE, you know?!?! If I knew it lots of it was just little mirrors and nail polish or something, that would help my decision. I really need to see it again, I guess. I really just got a quick look.

A friend suggested giving her little bits at a time, making it last, so as not to overwhelm her. That is a possibility also. But she keeps telling me to give lots of her things to kids who don't have much. We do that a few times a year, and Bee and R have been telling me it is time again. We really need to downsize now, before Christmas. I have been meaning to call a battered women's shelter or somewhere and donate a bunch of things that I know kids there would be THRILLED with! Maybe this is another idea for this suitcase of fru fru cosmetics???

Input is appreciated.