Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Don't you just LOVE it when you have various things to do and all of the places are right near each other??

I don't know why, but things like that just THRILL me!

On the way to take B to school, the gas light came on. I wanted to get some hot chocolate for the kids from Stabucks and of course I wanted a treat myself.

And I needed to stop by the G store for a few items for supper tonight. We are having friends over for Lasagna.

As I am driving along, I see that there is indeed a gas station right near the G store and the Starbucks. If I go to Starbucks first, then back track a bit to the g store that has a gas station in the same parking lot, I can get 3 things done within the space of a few minutes!

MAN! I just LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Today has been hazy. That is the only word I can think to describe it.

Been thinking a lot about my little brother today. Think about him every day, many times a day. But today I was kind of out of it, thinking about him non-stop. Like so I am not sure how I got anything done or what else even really happened.

I know I took Bee to the Dr. and she got shots, etc. I totally remember all that. I remember talking to my friend C for over an hour on the phone. We are bringing her back with us after the holidays and neither of us can wait!!! She is so much like my brother too, since she also has CP. Being with her is so special. Not only because of how sweet and precious and fun she is, but because she reminds me so much of my sweet Davy.

I think what set off the weird haze was when I saw a boy in a wheelchair sitting on a school bus. I was on my way to get R from school. Made Bee and B aware of it (L is at a friend's house) and then cried a bit. Wanted to make sure that I would get it all out before we arrived to get R. I try to avoid crying in public and making people uncomfrotable or anything.

I don't really remember getting to R's school. Which frightens me. I got there 15 minutes early, which is very disturbing considering I left at the usual time and I am always right on time. I have it timed well.

We drove up and parked and I looked at the clock in the van. I was sure I was not speeding or anything and the kids did not seem upset or anything. I commented on the time and B ventured that perhaps it was because L is not with us. I didn't get the connection, but he said L is very slow and takes a long time to leave the house and get in the vehicle. I couldn't get him to understand that we left at the time we always do and somehow got there in half the time.

Got home and called my Mom. We talked of our precious Davy as always. Some days are better than others for me. But today was one where, again, she had to continue to ask me what I was saying because I was crying so hard, I could hardly speak. As Oprah calls it, the "ugly cry". I am very good at that when it comes to my little brother.

I am so thrilled with the tat and gaze at it often. I think I will get another one, that my mother will write so I can have her writing on me as well. She seemed very excited by the idea and told me what she would write. I could put it in the exact same place on my other arm.

Man, I hate that I think of him as much as I do. I watched the slide show from his funeral and Bee and R wanted to watch with me. After that, to cheer us up, we watched a film we made this summer when their cousin G was here from Syria. She is a HOOT and cheered us up a lot! I need to remember to send her a copy of it in her Christmas parcel. I have to get that mailed to Damascus SOON before they leave for Australia for Christmas.

Then, R asked where Davy's shirts were. They had slept with D's shirts for weeks after he died. I put them away because I did not want his scent to go off of them. I have been scared to check them, I want them all folded together and next to each other so other things from the air around them will not go on them and take away HIS smell. I was thinking of sealing them in a ziploc bag but was worried that plastic smell would overtake his smell.

So I went to get them and we passed them around and each were frantically smelling them all over, to find some of him. Suddenly R got a joyful look on his face and his eyes filled up with tears and he shoved this one spot of one shirt at me and said "Right HERE. Just on this spot, just a little, don't you think???" I grabbed it and shoved it to my nose and took a deep breath.

Yes, just a bit. I can't describe what that is like, to smell just a bit of him again. R quickly took off what he was wearing and put that shirt on and said he will wear it, and only it, "for three days". I am not sure where that amount of time came from:)

Bee was sobbing and crying and we kept smelling more of them to see if we could find more. She shoved another one in my face and asked if that was him. I again shoved it almost UP my nose and was crying again. She took off her clothes and put it on and said she will use it for a night gown.

The smell is so faint, I was wondering if we were imagining things. I expressed this concern to the kids. Bee did not hesitate. She said there was a simple way to find out. She got up and walked to her closet door, which is a huge mirror. She lightly bashed her forehead onto it and exclaimed "Nope! This is not our imagination, this is REAL! We can REALLY smell our Davy on his shirts!!!"

R started writing note after note after note to Davy, and wanting me to take his picture with them. They are all in silvery shiney ink and say things like "I love you so much Davy, and I love you again."

So we all have our own ways of grieving and healing. B went to write an e-mail to Granny and Grandad and express how much he misses D, but how happy he is for him that he is in heaven. L will come home tomorrow and who knows when the next break down will be.

Mom was saying how hard it is to get anything done and care about anything. I have many days when I feel the same and I don't even consciously realise it is my grief over his death. Man, like even just saying "death" or "funeral" or anything like that in relation to him doesn't make sense. I think part of it is my health and exhaustion with my thyroid mess. I am not sure how much of a part each of those plays in how I am feeling lately. I guess we will find out about the thyroid soon, since I finally got some blood taken yesterday.

So yeah, anyway. That was our day. Pretty hazy and all blurry and running together. Hubby is home and reading to them and will get them in bed. I have a busy crazy hectic day tomorrow, so better get myself to bed.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Well, Thanksgiving was L's 13th birthday. So our day kind of was spent doting on him, and him finding his gifts, etc. I was going to make him lemon meringue pie, but with all the turkey cooking and pumpkin pie baking...time got away from me. He requested waffles, eggs, bacon etc for breakfast and once I got it all made, he remembered that it aggravates his GERD. LOL He was so sorry for having me go to "all that trouble" but I reminded him the rest of us could enjoy it, so it was no trouble at all! LOL We wondered why we have not had a breakfast like that in a long time, and that is why! LOL We knew there had to be some reason, we used to eat that at least once a week. So at least the rest of us got to enjoy it. Poor kid. We are trying to clear up a sinus infection and then it sounds like they will finally schedule the surgery!

We all went to see the new Dennis Quaid/Renee Russo movie. It was a good family movie and was nice to all go together. Many other people had the same idea, I was surprised so many people were out and about on Thanksgiving!

Now that it is over we can get on with the REAL fun!! Christmas!!!

Broke out all the decorations today. Trying to talk hubby into getting the tree tomorrow, but it is not looking good:( HUMPH So far, things look really nice:) We just really need a tree.

B and R played with neighbour boys off and on between hubby taking them to the park, out to lunch and skating. He had a busy day trying to spend QT with each kid. Took Bee swimming also. While he had one kid somewhere, the others were playing with friends. Besides L, who laid about all day reading. He tried studying for the Spelling Bee he will be in come January, but the web site we use is too frustrating.

Poor hubby was running all over the place, but he had a nice time with the three youngest. Hopefully he can get a few hours with L tomorrow.

When he got home, I decided I would go ahead and get the tatto0 I have been wanting.

I had asked my Dad to write my brother's name and birth and death dates. So he sent those in the mail a while ago and I have needed to go get it done. Now I can always have my Dad's writing on my skin, makes it even more special. I have always loved his handwriting (printing) and wanted something to remember my baby brother with. So I went and got it on the inside of my left forearm. Davy's favourite colour was blue, so I got it in a dark blue. I just love it and am so pleased! This was the least painful of any of my tatoos, I think my next one will be on the right forearm! The one on my neck tickled in areas, but was also more painful than this was. It is a few hours old and the swelling (what little there was) is totally gone. There is no red at all any more and there were only a few drops of blood.

I will have hubby show me how to post a photo...

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

We have major fog. I LOVE fog, but even I am tired of this. It showed up during the night on Friday and has stayed since then.

We live near a Ferry Terminal to go out to the San Juan Islands and I always love to hear the Fog horns blow and blast. Usually only happens this time of year since it is generally not too foggy in the spring/summer. Every fall when they start up I just...I can't explain it. I just love it and it makes me know the weather will get colder (not cold enough for me, but at least not hot anymore) and the holidays are coming, etc. This is my FAVOURITE time of year, so I LOVE the fog and the horn, etc etc.

Approximately 3 or 4 days of the month, we wake up to fog. Sometimes in the summer or spring, but most often fall/winter. But it always burns off by noon at the latest or at least if I drive up the hill, away from the ocean, I can see clearly.

NOT this time. It is FREAKY!

Even *I* am sick of this. I can hardly see anything at all. Don't know if a light is red/green or even exists until I am ten feet from it. Lots of bozos are driving around with NO HEADLIGHTS turned on?? HELLO!?!? I always have them on anytime I drive. I just turn them on automatically without thinking about it, right when I get in the vehicle. And these people are driving around this way. I have NO CLUE they are there and suddenly BAM, there they are coming right at me. Sure, they are in the other lane of traffic, but still. Kind of surprises you when suddenly this dark shape goes past you, seemingly out of nowhere!

If I didn't know the roads so well, it would be pretty scary. On Sat night I was going to meet a friend for a movie and I called her on the way and suggested we try another time. She lives in Seattle and I am North of there. We were going to meet at a theatre about half way. I did not want to get on the freeway. Once I got on the road (I had been inside all day with the kids and just assumed once I got up the hill, it would not be there, like is usually the case) and saw that it was THICK and there was no break from it anywhere, and it was dark, we both agreed to try another time.

I did not expect it to last FOUR DAYS, with no break at all. It is getting creepy! LOL I don't remember what the sky looks like. I am having trouble recalling what my neighbours houses look like or what any of the community looks like. Seriously. You can't see anything until you are suddenly in front of it. Hubby said from his office in a city about 15 miles away, that they saw a small line of sky today. When he said that, the thought flashed through my mind, "Sky?? What is that? ? OH YEAH!!"


I did manage to get R to his class today. We made him go. Again. He has been fussing lately and not wanting to go. We are being tough. It is hard for me to make him, when I find a lot of it a waste of time (of course I would never let him know I think that!!!!) and he learns much more at home. However, we have to do things we don't want to do. That is life. It is our job as parents to help them all understand that concept and fact of life, little by little, starting very young. There are positive things to this class, and that is what we want for him. He will thank us one day! We decided to try this program this year, and we must stick to it!!! Even tough we DID say we would not hesitate to quit if we didn't like it. That is not the greatest example to set, however. So we shall see, nothing is written in stone.

Had a pretty exhausting day. I think hubby (who just now got back from a hockey coaches meeting) and I will snuggle up for a movie and then hit the hay.

Nighty night!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

On December 5th, Bee will be filmed at our church with about 7 other kids her age. They will dress as angels and recite the Christmas story. Each child will say a section, so all of them together will say the story from start to finish. I think if any of them can read, it is my friend A's twins who will be 6 the day after we do that. She homeschools them and does a great job! The rest of the kids will just need to memorize it. It will be cute if they mess up, or stumble, etc etc. That is what is so darling!

This will be shown during services and the Christmas performance. Bee LOVES stuff like this and has been involved in the Christmas production in some way since she was 2 months old when she played baby Jesus. She has sang/been dressed up as something in the stable or something ever since. We are excited about this!!

I took her to see "Dreamer" today and she liked it, but was a bit distracted by her "sparkly tights" that she wore. She has a skirt/top ensemble that she begs to wear all the time. They have sequins on them and then she has a sparkly headband that goes with it. One of the things she chose out of the grab bag with her points (we are back to bags now, not the drawer anymore) recently was black tights with silver woven in. She wanted to wear this to the theatre. The faint lights in there were hitting her legs just so, and she kept whispering about how beautiful the tights were, did I see them shimmering and sparkling?? LOL

We left L at home playing his beloved video games. Hubby had played guitar in the early service at church and then rushed home and took B and R up North to a dirt bike track to watch some of them in action. B says today was the best day of his life! :) While they were gone, I took L and Bee to the 2nd service at church and then the Olive Garden for lunch. We needed to buy L some new dress shoes, but were too exhausted after looking around in Toys R Us. So we dropped him at home and Bee changed! She already had on a darling dress with matching hat and purse that she has been begging to wear for a few weeks. When she put it on this morning, I noticed it was VERY SHORT. I knew she had grown since last winter of course, but it had been VERY long on her then, I thought. Needless to say, it is now in the box ready to mail to her cousin E in SC. E will be 4 in April and I am sure she can get some months wear out of this and maybe even wear it next winter a bit.

I do have to wonder what Bee will be like as a teen or even pre-teen. If she is this focused on what she wears and how she looks now, at just turned 5 years...I dunno. I just have to wonder!

Well, as anyone who knows me can see, my blog is as choppy as conversations with me tend to be. Here, there and everywhere! I need to take more time to do a draft and work on wording more, so it is a bit more enjoyable to read:) I will to bed for now and work on that another time!

Good night all!!!

Friday, November 18, 2005

I find it fascinating how life goes sometimes.

Take this scenario for instance.

You have children ranging in ages 8-newborn. You must go to the store to get essentials.

It takes you at least an hour to get ready to go to the store for 5 items. In between breaking up melt-downs and knock-down-drag-outs between the 8 and 5 year old, you have to comfort the 18 month old, change his diaper and get various goodies packed in the diaper bag. Right when you finally get ready to leave and everyone is bundled, even though you planned this all SO WELL, either the baby needs to nurse or has a blow out in her diaper.

So you get that taken care of, gather the scattered kids again and FINALLY make it to the van. Don't forget going out in the rain and wind because you can't park in your single-car garage because your hubby NEEDS it for the motorcycle that he rides twice a month, 3 months out of the year.

You arrive at the store, only to find that all the parking spaces NEAR the door are taken. So the search begins. Whatever, you get tired of that and take the closest one you can get and unstrap everyone. Send the 8 year old for a cold and wet shopping cart so you can put the baby's car seat on it and somehow get the 18 month old strapped in somewhere. You finally get yourself and the kids into the store and commence the shopping.

When you come out, it starts all over again. But you finally get smart enough and let the kindly older gentleman who bags your groceries and gives your children candy, help you out to your van so that you can focus on getting the cold kids inside and out of the wind while he puts your bags in-AND (now this is the best part)- takes your cart back in the store for you!!

This was my life 4 and 5 years ago. Going ANYWHERE I just wished for a spot fairly close to the door, especially when it was windy or cold. Rain, I don't mind. What I found fascinating was any time I went anywhere without my kids, there was almost ALWAYS a parking spot right near the door!?!? What is up with that!??! Does God just sit up there and laugh and slap His knee and think to Himself "Man, this is fun! I LOVE my job!!!"

It still happens. Getting them to and from is not as hard as it used to be. But it never fails that when they are NOT with me, there are open spots close to the door all over the place and when they ARE with me, we can't find anything to save our lives!!!

So when I see all the spots and they are NOT with me, I do what I think is best and drive past the spots and park farther away. I am hoping some parent with young children will happen upon it right when they need it most. I can hope anyway, right?? Likely some able bodied young ruffian will shoot right on into the spot they don't need and make a poor mother drive all over and drag her tiny kids through the rain and wind. I will try to think positively about it.

Can anyone else with young kids relate???

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

L has given me permission to post a short story he wrote this afternoon (last minute, it is due tomorrow!) for his writing class. Something about a game and spinning something and they landed on phrases/words/sentences that they needed to use to write the story. He got "Magician who loses his magic", "ocean" and "middle of afternoon".

He just revised it and I preferred the first one. It had more exciting words and phrases like "fury" and "to no avail". But he wanted it this way and HE is the writer, not me. I will type it out exactly as he has printed it out for his class, making no corrections (if there need to be any) or anything. So here you go, in his words:

The Magician on the Island

There once was a magician who was renowned far and wide, for his skill at magic. He was very rich. He was also very selfish and conceited.

One day he was told his next show would take place on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The magician was not very happy about this because he hated water, but he consented to go.

The next day the magician sailed to the island on his private yacht (he was that rich,) and they docked at 2:00.

The spectators were very eager for the show to begin. Everyone had a pamphlet that listed the things the magician would do. In order they were; causing a volunteer from the audience to float; setting the water on fire; shaking the island in half, then putting it back together; and for the grand climax, and his exit, causing his yacht, assistants and himself to disappear. The entire audience was anxious for the feats to be performed.

When the time came for the show to begin, the magician stepped onto the stage with a flourish of his black cape. He chose a member from the audience and, raising his arms for effect, tried to use his magic. But the volunteer didn't float!

The audience was in an uproar within seconds. This had never happened before. The magician's magic had never been known to desert him. He tried again and again, but with no success. The audience quickly became angry. They said the show was a sham. They were demanding to get their money back. The magician and his co-workers hurriedly gave everyone full refunds and departed in his yacht.

After a few weeks, someone leaked word to the press about the magician's "sham". He suffered massive losses at court and was eventually declared a fraud. Alone and without money, the magician wandered from one homeless shelter to the next, staying as long as he could. And so he lived to the end of his days.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Some highlights from today:

R has his first loose tooth. He said his mouth "felt funny" when he was eating his breakfast this morning. When we were working in his Pioneer person in his class, he said his mouth still felt funny. I suggested perhaps he had a loose tooth and sure enough, after some feeling around, one of his teeth is about to pop out! If he is anything like his older brothers, it will take a year!

Hubby worked from home so L would not have to stay with Bee alone while I took B to R's class. I need to be there once a month, and it was my day to go. Normally I take B with me and leave L with Bee. But it ends up I am gone for about 6 hours, and even though they do fine, I don't like leaving them alone that long. So B stayed home with L, Bee and hubby.

When I went to wake B up and tell him to help L with Bee so Daddy could work in his office, he was already awake, sitting at his desk doing his school work! When I said how impressed I was, he said that he had some computer games he wanted to play today and he knows he is not allowed until all his schoolwork is done. he maturing??

Made Rice Krispie Treats with Bee tonight. She actually got bored halfway through and went downstairs on the computer to play at neopets. But still. As I type this, she is playing a racing game on the Xbox with her big brothers.

Had my favourite drink from StarBucks for a treat. Discovered it has close to-GET THIS-800 calories!?!? *GULP* So I only allow it as a treat every few weeks now. *sob*

Wasn't as sad today as I was yesterday.

B's math teacher gave me his progress report today and he is doing "excellent' in 8 out of 10 areas. The other areas are "good", which is good enough for me.

R helped me at the grocery store after classes and was ADORABLE pushing the cart through Safeway. He was SO ADORABLE that I HAD to buy him his own big chocolate milk and a pack of gum to share with the sibs when he got home.

Some negative things from today:

Too tired to go out on my weekly "night off". Was going to go a movie, but could not decide on which one until they had all already started. Didn't have the energy to go, so got into my fuzzy flannel pj's and made some supper for the troops.

R panicked at lunch when I told him that it was time for the moms to leave and the afternoon moms were coming now. I was going to eat lunch and run some errands and would be back at 1:45 as always. He started crying and said he needed me to help him make his pioneer person, there is NO WAY he would be able to do it on his own. So I stayed, which was fine, helped lots of kids. We had a fun time, but I had really been looking forward to 90 minutes of alone time. Sometimes I give in, sometimes I stand firm. Today I knew he needed me there, so I gave in and everything turned out. Most of the kids were pretty frustrated with what they needed to do and the teacher and afternoon Moms were VERY glad I had stayed. Next month I will get my 90 minutes:)

L is slacking on his school work AND chores and I am cracking down.

The house is a sty and I cannot seem to keep up with it this week!!!

I stink. LOL Seriously. Showered this morning and everything...who knows. I think being in a room of 20 6&7 years olds for almost 5 hours just makes me work up a sweat or something.

My teeth hurt. I needed a root canal about 3 months ago and still have not gone...*sigh* Better get on that! DO NOT yell at me Erin:) I know, I know.

I have about 62 things to do by the end of the week and just when I wade through some of it, it seems the pile gets bigger. MAIN things are call L's allergist, make R a dentist appointment (little turkey has THREE cavities!?!?) , call my therapist and get in with her, get L's violin lessons set up again, get some more curriculum since the older two have finished some of their books, organise the HSing Association's Resource library that I am in charge of, get blood work done and figure out what is going on with my thyroid, shop for Christmas, get cards done and mailed, plan L's party which is coming up, get L's new script for glasses in his spare frames, clean the house, doante things to shelter or somewhere, sell some stuff on Ebay, finish study on Native Americans and MOVE ON ALREADY to Colonial Times, find lost items for next Science lesson, fill in and mail reference questionnaire for friends who want to become foster parents, mail packages to friends in NC, Northwest Territories, cousins in CA, ...ok, I will stop there. I am sure it is clear that I have to do a few things soon:)

Signing off...

Monday, November 14, 2005

Well, things have been a bit rough the past few days. I go along like things are fine. But really, I am pretty sad. I have to go through the motions and everything. Friday was kind of hard, on the way to the kids' Science class suddenly it hit me hard and I was struggling to hold things together. Until then, I had gone over a week without crying, which I was impressed with.

I miss my baby brother REALLY BAD. I am kind of dreading going home and not having him there. Well, I am REALLY dreading that part, but am very anxious to see my precious parents. I can't wait to see them and it will be fun to see my other brothers too. My nephew and one of my nieces will be there and we have not had any Christmas with them since he was 9 and she was 7. They are now 19 and 17. So obviously, it has been ten years since I have had Christmas with them. I have not been with Davy for Christmas since 1999 and I thought I would get to this year. A split second can change everything. Now Bee and R will NEVER have any memory of Christmas with him and I am sure L and B don't. They were 7 and 4 the last time we had Christmas in Canada.

Things will never be the same again. EVER. And I don't like that. I want to go home to the farm I grew up on. And I can't. Which in itself would not be so bad, if at least Davy was still with us.

I want to run in and hug my baby brother and kiss him and hear his laugh and see how big he has grown since the last time we were together. But I can't.

I want my parents and brothers and family members to be like we always have been. But we can't be without our beloved Davy. Nothing will ever be the same. We will always wish he was there with us. Always wish he was laughing with us or that S was teasing him some more and Mom was running around making him comfortable in his wheelchair or stander. I want to see him sitting on our Dad's lap, watching hockey. Or see my kids or my brother's kids laying in his bed with him, laughing and goofing around. *I* want to lay in his bed with him again and watch Fred Penner and listen to his precious sounds and him trying to talk to me and kissing my cheek.

It sucks really bad. I never imagined my baby brother was going to leave us so suddenly and certainly not so soon. I always wanted a baby brother. I finally got one. He was the best one any person could ever ask for. And I only had him for 13 and a half years.

Don't mean to depress anyone, those are just some of my thoughts today.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Hubby and I went to a movie today. Sure is nice when the kids are old enough to leave for a few hours.

All I need to do is hide all the remotes for the TVs and shut off all the computers to make sure L and B don't get themselves set up in front of those and neglect the little two. If I do that, they play board games, read books and have a great time.

Just as we were leaving, B copped an attitude. That always makes us nervous. He is the most physical of the kids and can get aggressive with the others. He is also of the belief that he knows all and often is very well meaning in his "advice" and...*ahem*..."help", but tends to push the little ones' buttons until things escalate. Thus, I tend to take him with me and can leave L with the younger two for hours at a time if need be.

However, we have left all four at home two other times and things were fine. It has been a few months, so we thought we might try it again.

So we sent him with his room and told him L would tell him when he could come out. The movie started at 11:20 this morning, so we left around 11 am. We called L and told him to tell B he could come out after 20 minutes. Knew that would be enough time for him to calm himself.

They know not to call us unless it is an emergency. L is the only one allowed upstairs and that is only to gather food and take it downstairs. No one is to go NEAR the front door or any windows and they only answer the phone if they see on the caller ID that it is either hubby or I. They do not come to the door, and we call when we are minutes away, letting them know it is US coming in upstairs and not to panic when they hear someone coming in.

We were in the theatre about 40 minutes when Hubby's phone vibrated. He didn't seem to want to answer it when I reminded him that L only calls for emergencies, please take the call out in the hallway. I was a bit nervous, couldn't imagine what on earth the trouble could be. He came back a few minutes later and muttered something about B being in big trouble when we got home.

I guess B had been the one to call but hubby had not answered in time. He discovered this when he called home and asked L if he called. L had no idea what he was talking about?? L NEVERS calls, is really good about that. Whereas if I try to go anywhere on my own, even if hubby is home with the kids, B will call every hour or so, telling me he misses me and asking when I will be home.

OH MAN, I thought. That little fart! WHY ON EARTH would he call?? Can we not be gone for TWO HOURS!?!?!?

Fifteen minutes later, the phone vibrated AGAIN!?!? Hubby just answered it quietly and muttered into it for about 10 seconds. It was B, wanting to know if he could come out of his room!?!?!? He was starved!?!? LOL

Apparently L had "forgotten" to let his brother know he was allowed to come out after 20 minutes.

We enjoyed the movie ~"Prime" with Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep and some guy who doesn't stand out much~ and hubby bought me a StarBucks drink on the way home:) I also got a HUGE Molasses cookie:) teehee

Came home to minimal mess and many hugs:)

Hubby left for a hockey game and the kids and I did various things throughout the day. Hubby is now back and his back hurts:( Sounds like I better get out the...whatever it is called...and rub it on his back.

By the way, E, thanks for the advice on what to do with Bee's cosmetics:) What an awesome niece:) Can't wait to see you next month! *KISS*

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Ok people, I need some advice.

Nothing majorly serious, but something that I can't seem to figure out on my own.

At the church Harvest Party, they had a raffle. There were various prizes and then a Grand prize for boys and one for girls. I glanced at what it said for girls (Make up kit) and was very excited about the boy one since my boys tend to get things less often than Bee. There is more stuff available for girls, it ALWAYS costs less and there is only ONE of her. If I see something for one boy, then I feel like I need to get them ALL something. So it ends up they get less things than her and less often, but when they DO get something, it is GOOD!

The boys Grand Prize was an RC Hummer. I knew B and R would LOVE it. I had a feeling I was going to win something. I have been winning things lately. You know - free cokes, free fries, door prizes at any function I go to. Lately, if something is to be won, I win. Simple.

For some reason it never dawned on me that I would win the Suitcase of Make-Up! LOL But sure enough. I am not a "girly girl" and have never been interested in stuff like that. People have always assumed it was because I grew up with so many brothers. My daughter is proof that this is not the case. She is growing up with the same amount of brothers I did, in the same birth order and everything. Yet, I am sure no one will ever meet a more feminine girl than her. EVER.

I have recently started trying to learn how to wear make up because I have always wanted to be feminine. I am after all, female. And I am struggling to act more that way. I like girly things. I like sparkles and flowers and butterflies. Always have. That is not an issue. I like pretty dresses (I just don't like wearing them. I HATE panty hose or heels or any of that nonsense) and try to make myself wear something like that sometimes, even though I don't enjoy it.

I wear cosmetics some days (when I remember to take the time to attempt applying it, I still think I do it wrong!!!) because I am aging rapidly. My family ages very prematurely. I am VERY grey, and have lots of wrinkles on my face. So I am trying to improve my looks at least just a little:) But this make-up thing was still a disappointment to me.

I walked up to the stage and get it and glanced and saw that it REALLY is little girl stuff. Fru fru bottles with feathers on them, etc etc. I only glanced because I felt guilty for having won it. My daughter needs that like she needs a kick in the head. She already has enough stuff for 5 little girls and hubby and I are NOT going to encourage any of this type of stuff anyway. I have commented to hubby how ironic it is that I suddenly became interested in applying goop to my face, when I finally had a little girl of my own. Now she watches me and wants some of her own, etc etc.

I wonder how much this has affected how "girly" she is. My mother was never that way, so possibly that had something to do with how she and I both tend to stay away from stereotypical female things. I am much more like that than my mother actually. I was introduced to pedicures when a friend got me a Gene Jaurez Salon gift certificate about 5 years ago for my birthday. Since then, I have had about 5 or so. My mother has never had one. Things like that, she is just NOT interested in. No make up, no jewelry (unless it is a necklace with a photo of a grandchild in it) and she avoids dresses as well. Pants suits is what she prefers. We are very much alike.

Wow, all that to ask you guys this:

Should I donate this prize to some little girl who "needs" it more?? Bee still does not know we won it. She was busy riding ponies and jumping on inflatable toys to hear it announced or see me to get it. A friend of mine put it in her office at the church and I have not seen it since that night. The plan is to sneak it out some Sunday morning (likely tomorrow) without Bee seeing it. This thing is seriously a SUITCASE and must weigh at least 20-30 lbs!!! It would last Bee YEARS and we don't want to allow her anything like this for some years from now, anyway. She just turned FIVE, you know?!?! If I knew it lots of it was just little mirrors and nail polish or something, that would help my decision. I really need to see it again, I guess. I really just got a quick look.

A friend suggested giving her little bits at a time, making it last, so as not to overwhelm her. That is a possibility also. But she keeps telling me to give lots of her things to kids who don't have much. We do that a few times a year, and Bee and R have been telling me it is time again. We really need to downsize now, before Christmas. I have been meaning to call a battered women's shelter or somewhere and donate a bunch of things that I know kids there would be THRILLED with! Maybe this is another idea for this suitcase of fru fru cosmetics???

Input is appreciated.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Ok so all of our boys have allergies. The older two are worse than R. Four years ago, we got two kittens for Christmas. I couldn't take it anymore. I grew up on 80 acres with cows, horses, goats, ducks one year, dogs, cats, guinea pigs, hamsters, pigs one year, etc etc. I was a Vet Tech before I had kids. I needed some cute fuzzy faces around, you know??

I had asked the allergist what we can do. He said go ahead and get them. The kids have their meds, keep the cats clean, all shoulld be well. He doesn't understand why we would want CATS, he personally hates them, but whatever floats your boat, basically.

So we got them and all was well the first 2 years. Here and there, B would get a cat hair in his eye and it would swell shut. We used his eye drops and he was fine. One day, at the allergist, we got this RUDE, and I mean RUDE one. Our regular one was not there for some reason, forget the circumstances right now. But this guy basically accused me of lying!??! I told him Dr. M said it was fine and he stared me down, and said "I find that hard to believe". EXCUSE ME!?!?! I told him two more times that Dr. M had said it was fine, we planned this and looked into it carefully and things have been fine. Except that lately, B's eyes are swollen and itchy ALL the time and his nose is stuffed up really BAD. I kept on saying that for the past 2 years he was fine, why was he suddenly having trouble???

He acted like I was some negligent woman who cared nothing for her kids' well-being or something. He was just the most RUDE man I have ever come in contact with. I was so shaken, I just walked out of there in a daze. He had told us to kick the cats out of the house THAT VERY DAY and come back in 2 weeks to see if B was any better. I somehow made an appointment and just walked to the van in a trance. I was so upset. Kick the babies out in the cold in JANUARY!?!?!? Call me a LIAR!?!?!

Once in the van, I got myself together a bit better and it occured to me that I did not ever need to see that jerk again. I called the office back and made the appointment with our usual guy, Dr. M. I told hubby what happened and he was all too anxious to throw the babies out. He had been against getting them in the first place and now someone was on his side. He LOVES cats, so I still don't quite get it. Before L was born, Hubby and I had four of the BEST cats in the world and these two were not nearly as affectionate as those ones, so Hubby had not bonded with them or something, who knows.

So we tossed them out. I have always been of the belief that there is no point in having cats if they just live outside?? They should be INSIDE. When I was a kid, all our cats were outdoor cats, being on a farm and all. There is no reason for that, being stuck in a city as I am. I don't want them coming IN and OUT, cause once they are out, they are dirty and smelly and get fleas, etc.

They have been outside almost two years now. Raccoons are always coming and fighting them for their food. We have had to take one to the vet for surgery from injuries. They try to get IN the house and are much for affectionate. They realize that they took us fro granted and they want a 2nd chance:)

And here is the kicker:

We have since discovered that B's problem was CHICKEN. The child is allergic to CHICKEN and since we have not allowed him to eat any, he has been fine. When we figured it out, he was on meds to clear up a BAD sinus infection from eating chicken almost daily when we had NO IDEA the child was allergic to it!?!?!? We got that cleared up and now he plays with the cats outside all the time and he is fine. So we did all that for nothing!!! He actually seems to be growing out of it, too. Which Dr. M said he likely would. He has some here and there and seems totally fine. Although, he and L will have raging sinus infections and none of us even have a clue. We just get CT Scans here and there to see if they have them.

I admit, no cat fur ALL OVER EVERYTHING has been nice. But the kids and I want them back in. They are pathetic out there. I told the kids we would need to bath them and then limit the rooms they are permitted to get access to. They will need to change the litter box daily AGAIN. They have agreed. So we are going to bring them in soon. One thing I will not like is having to keep the door to the downstairs shut all the time so they can't get up here on the new furniture, etc. That means I can't stand at the top of the stairs to call the kids, I will have to...gasp...walk down the stairs and open the door and locate the children. This doesn't sound so bad, but when it needs to be done a minimum of 43 times a gets old, ya know??

The cats names are T and S. S had the surgery and now T has some owies from those obnoxious raccoons. I won't miss waking up at 2 in the morning to the hissing and growling right outside the bedroom window. They can be warm and cozy and watch movies with the kids like they used to!! As long as B remembers to wash his hands every time he handles them and we comb them daily to get rid of the excess fur, I am sure all will be well. B says he doesn't care anyway, he will be willing to have runny, itchy eyes if it happens. So we shall see how it goes!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

While L is at classes and the others are glued in front of the new TV (which, btw is actually a 24", not the 20" I showed) watching Christmas movies, I shall update you all on L's health. Many family members have been inquiring.

The answer is:

I really don't know. In May the allergist acted like he would be surprised if the GI Specialist did not want to do surgery right away. After his Upper GI and Endoscopy last month, with results that his esophagus is very inflamed and he had multiple episodes of relfux for extended periods while the probe was in, she still seemed fine with leaving it. She said to go to the allergist and see what he said.

We did so and he said that since L said he feels worse ON the meds than OFF, that we need to determine which med is causing the discomfort. I guess I need to be better about monitoring him with taking his meds, but I kind of have a lot on my plate and the kid WILL be 13 two weeks from today, ya know?? He has been taking meds of varying kinds since he was 2 years old! He has needed goop wiped all over him since he was 3 weeks old!!!When he was about 8, hubby and I started teaching him to do it all himself. By the time he was 10 or so he was on his own and he is pretty much a slacker. He refuses to apply his skin creams and his dermatologist says leave him then. He is plenty old enough to just do it when he needs to, if he wants to go around looking like a snake molting, that is fine. Sadly, he likes that look and admitted THAT is why he slacks on applying the creams and ointments. *Sigh*

We told him if his skin gets infected as it is prone to do at times, HE will pay for all the antibiotics. He has agreed. Then with his sinus meds and allergy junk and now the GERD, we remind and he does pretty good overall. Sometimes he will go days without taking anything and then seriously seems surprised as to why he is having "episodes" and needs the nebulizer, etc. When he has full blown sinus infections, we of course are diligent with the meds. At one point, he was on about 5 things twice a day for 3 months. We hovered and reminded and witnessed their consumption.

So now the allergist says if his sinus stuff acts up again, he will advise the GI Specialist to do the surgery. Well, we don't know if anything is "acting up" because it is always an issue. Doesn't seem like he has recovered from his last infection. So I actually need to call and see what we need to do. I don't understand why they don't do the surgery and get it over with. When they have FINALLY, after 12 years discovered what has been the poor child's trouble his entire life, and the cause of ALL his illnesses and discomfort, WHY NOT JUST FIX IT!?!?

Still don't have the biopsy results from the endoscopy. I just hope we get it all figured out before we go home for Christmas. We are now having some issues with the insurance regarding his meds.

So I hope that answers some questions or concerns:)

Now I am off to call the carpet measuring dude about measuring Bee's room and Hubby and I's for our much needed new carpet! Our carpet was NASTY when we moved into the house over five years ago, now we can finally get some good stuff. I am SO EXCITED!!!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Some highlights from the past few days-

* Watching Bee dance her little heart out at her ballet/tap class

*Picking B up from class and hearing all about how his group's skit was the funniest in the whole drama class and how this girl and that one did this and that. After 4 weeks of hearing about these girls I translated it all as them liking him and when I said as much, he started to deny it and then grinned and shyly asked, "Do you really think so??"

*When L overheard Bee "reading" to herself and he came and told me how cute she is and how I should go listen in. He was very impressed that she has the book memorized and is actually quoting it mostly word for word. Except, what we both thought was extra precious, was when she called a "Puffin" a "Puff".

*Reading Rikki Tikki Tavi to R and Bee and then almost falling asleep on the couch.

*Finding R reading an encyclopedia about reptiles and him filling me in on details he has learned. He was especially thrilled when he read an excerpt from Rikki Tikki Tavi in the Cobra section.

*The fact that I actually got a chance to make some of the phone calls today that I needed to make!!

*That my friend J took B to school this morning- WHAT A HUGE HELP!!

*B finished one of his workbooks and has moved on to the next!

*Hubby did not complain when all the broiled salmon was eaten by the time he got home last night! I am making him more tomorrow night and will make sure the kids don't eat it all. Poor guy! I didn't know they would eat it, was going to make them something else!

*That I am still exercising every day and my abs hurt BAD. Which means I must be doing something right:)

*L has been awesome watching the younger two while I run all over trying to accomplish the countless things I have on my "to do" list. And he still makes time for his chores and school work! I got him a treat last night but shhhhhh...don't tell him! Waiting for the perfect moment:)

*Hubby and L will bring this home after their Tae Kwon Do class tonight! We have needed a new VCR for a long time and the TV for the kids in the Rec Room pretty much sucks and is TINY. So this will be exciting for them. The older two do a good amount of their school work on DVD and interactive games with the TV, so this will improve the education experience as well:)

*Another highlight is the fact that I am about to crawl into my warm bed (I always turn the electric blanket on high about 30 minutes before getting in bed, then shut it off right as I get in) and fall asleep, all ready to wake up at 5:30 and go for a nice brisk walk in the cold and dark.

Well, I had a good time last night. Went here and spent about an hour choosing things for the "grab drawer". We use a PEGS system for the kids and when they earn enough bonus points, they can shop from some drawers in an extra dresser in hubby and I's closet. It used to be a HUGE bag for each kid, but that got too cumbersome and the dresser sits in there anyway.

Also got our 2 year old nephew in SC his Christmas gifts. Need to do our 3 year old neice and get her and her soon-to-be-born sister's stuff mailed. My brother and his wife just announced they are due in June, so it will be fun shopping for that little sweetie. Have not had a niece or nephew born on MY side since my youngest 5 years ago. And that doesn't count for me, just counts for my brothers and hubby's sibs. LOL As far as things go for ME, nothing since G was born FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!?!?! This is NOT RIGHT and it is ABOUT TIME. I LOVE babies and cannot wait for this little goober to make his/her entrance.

This baby will be gorgeous too, since my brother is really dark (not in skin tone, unfortunately. All of us but my dad are quite fair) as far as hair/eyes etc. And his GORGEOUS wife is from El Salvador and is darker than him, so we are in for a real treat here:) Not that any of that really matters, I just love the dark hair, skin etc. And their kids will be bilingual, which will be awesome when my kids are with their cousins. Which sadly, won't be often, since I am so far away from any of my family and have been for almost 16 years!! *sniff*

So back onto the original train of thought- had a good time. Until I tried to buy a book I got out of the library that I originally SAW at Target in the first place. GONE!! Could not find it ANYWHERE!?!?!?!

So I went across the street to the mall and BOTH bookstores in there are closed!??! ACK!!! They are re-doing that particular Mall and adding a Borders Book store. GREAT!! But it is not open yet?!?! So how could they DARE close the other two!??!?!

Saw Hubby's drama director from church, who asked if I had a night off or something!?!?!? LOL I said Tuesdays are my "night off". He wondered where hubby has been lately. I told him that hubby is playing hockey a few nights a week, coaching B's team and playing guitar in the worship team most Sundays. Not to mention trying to be home with us!??! He can't do everything, you know??? I know they miss him in there, but COME ON!!!

So it was BACK across the street to this place where I looked in all the right places and they just do not have it. So I need to break down and pay shipping from Amazon. Unless I can find a few other books I need, that qualify, and get "Super Saver" whatever it is and not pay shipping.

I HAVE to get this book. I have renewed it too many times and it is my new exercise regime. When I do it regularly, I can feel a big diff. This week I am REALLY doing it like I should and eating better (kind of, that is also another story for later) so hopefully by Christmas, I will have AT LEAST 20 lbs of this crud off of me!!!

Ok, way too much to do today to be on here. Hope I get it all done!!!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


So after all that drama last night, R's teacher didn't even read his report!! ARG!!! This is SO TYPICAL and causes me to recall what I despised about having my kids in public school. That is not so bad in and of itself, but the main reason she didn't do it is because it was "early release day". WHAT IS THAT!?!?!?!

Thankfully, my friend J, who also has a son in R's class offered to pick him up when she went to get her son and even bring him all the way home! I was SO GRATEFUL!! That was actually how I was informed about Early Release. Sheesh! See what I mean about NO COMMUNICATION!?!? All the mothers were in shock, none of us had a clue.

So at least I can't blame it on my thyroid spazzing out even worse lately. One of the symptoms of my hypothyroidism is memory loss. And BOY do I ever have that lately!?!?!?

My friend R told me about these calcium chewy things a few years ago and I got some and take it a few times a year, when I remember. I was getting the kids' vitamins and calcium chews out of the cabinet the other morning and noticed mine in there. Ah yes! I thought, I had better take care of myself and take those stupid things. Within a day or so noticed I was far more spacey than usual. Poor hubby claimed that I had asked him a certain thing a few weekends ago and we had a long heated discussion about it ( I still maintain I NEVER uttered said comment, but he has L as a witness SUPPOSEDLY) and many things have happened since which cause serious concern.

So I started reading about it and it claims that your Dr. is supposed to warn you against taking certain things when you are on what I am on for the thyroid nonsense. I was sure it said calcium is one of them!?!? Of course, we all know how loopy I am, so who knows if this is accurate or not! I need to get my blood checked and see if I need a higher dose or what needs to change. Things are NOT improving since I was diagnosed with this junk back in the Spring.

Ran to the library and grocery store. I will admit, I got a pedicure first:) teehee. Have not had one since June and my heels were hard and dry enough to rip poor hubby's legs to shreds. So I decided to do that but of course B and R begged to go with me. *sigh* I love my babies and HAVE to take B, I don't ever have L watch them all. That will be an entirely other post, though:) So I caved and took them both.

*Note to self* - Pedicure NOT relaxing when every 90 seconds ONE son or another asks "what is the green stuff for???"

"why is she doing that to your toes???"

"does it hurt?"


"When will she be done doing that to your feet???"

"No, pick THIS nail polish Mommy!!!"

"Is this place better or worse than other places you have gone to??"

...Or if they are not doing that, they are trying to WRESTLE each other IN THE SALON!?!?!?!? They forgot (like I am going to fall for that one!!!) their school books when we were leaving the house and then B started reading all these magazines, asking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, etc etc!??!?!

FINALLY, it was off to get FOUR items at the grocery store, which was no small task with 2 active boys YAPPING and poking at me?? They were both poking me in the back and asking me this and that. By the time I got to the check out stand I motioned with my hands making an area in front of me and said loudly "HERE IS THE BOUNDARY! NO TOUCHY!!!" Deep breaths...

We had to go the library and of the highlights of my day- My treat to myself!!!! Drum roll please...

Stopped by Starbucks Venti Breve Sugarfree Vanilla Caramel Macchiato. I hope the spelling is right! They don't do sugarfree caramel, so I so what I can, you know. Every little bit helps, right???

Now I am off to veg on the couch with this yummy concoction and watch some Dr. Phil or Oprah. Tonight is my "night off". I normally go to a movie or try to plan the kids' lessons. But I think tonight I will go get started on some Christmas shopping:)

Hubby gets to feed the kids and take over once he gets home, lucky guy!!!
I was innocently laying in bed last night around 9:30. I was writing in the notebooks I try to keep updated on what my kids have been up to recently. I have gotten WAY behind and took advantage of some relative calm and quiet to catch up before I drifted away into dreamland.

Suddenly the bedroom door burst open and R came running in. He was sobbing and threw himself into my arms crying "I hate school! I want to quit school! I am NEVER going back!!!"

Just a brief history. This year is our first year trying an "AEP" (Alternative Education Program) for the boys to go to. R goes on Tuesdays, B on Wednesdays and L on Thursdays. The people running it leave a lot to be desired (mostly in their lack of communication and organization skills) but the boys enjoy it, so we continue on. It is A LOT of driving (half an hour out East, so it takes an hour in the a.m. to get them there and then come home and then the same in the afternoon to pick them up) and we seem to be getting less "school" done this year so far as a result of this. Not to mention the gas the vehicles guzzle down!!!

R LOVES his class, but does not enjoy being awakened the one morning a week he needs to be. He had a homework assignment due about 3 weeks ago (that is another story in itself!!!) and Hubby was doing it with him last night.

Bless his little heart, he worked and worked with hubby, spent a good 45 minutes writing this whole page out. He was concerned that Mrs. P would make him read it in front of all the other kids. Thus the tears. I asked him if the other kids read their's in front of everyone. He insisted they did. I reminded him that he is one of the few in this grade 1/2 split class who even knows HOW to read. Oh...he thought for a few moments and then relaxed and agreed that yes, now that he thinks about it, only a few of them read their's but Mrs. P reads most of them. So I asked if it helps to panic or if remaining calm and thinking over all of the facts may be a better idea??

Anyway, hubby told me this morning that R was sitting with him working on it and suddenly burst into the tears. He said they squirted everywhere (R appears to be very talented in this area) and then R came racing upstairs to me.

Wanted to babble more, but Bee wants me to play Polly Pockets, B needs help with his math and I need to make sure that L is doing his chores.

Over and out for now!!!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Let's try this again...

Ok, let's see if we can get in the swing of things again. I will try to give a brief overview of who I am and what I do. I know nothing about this stuff and rely on my husband to show me. Right now, he is coaching our 2nd son's hockey game. So hopefully soon this will get updated and not be too boring!

I am 36 and homeschool our 4 kids. The almost 13 yob will from henceforth be known as "L". The 10 yob will be known as "B" and the 6 yob as "R". The 5 yog will be known as "Bee". My hubby will be known as hubby or something along those lines!!

Please hang in there and don't die of boredom, it will get more personality as I get more comfortable and learn more!!

So, hubby is at hockey with B. L is still asleep and R and Bee are running around playing with stuffed animals. I am about to shower and then when hubby and B get back, Bee and I are going to get really cool photos taken together. Glamour Shots, basically. So that will be fun. We are missing church. Seems we have been doing that a lot lately, which has to stop.

Yesterday morning we went to see "Finding Nemo on Ice". It was SO FUN!! But those prices!?!? OUCH!!! They wanted $18 for a small spinning light up gizmo. R wanted some cheap sword that would break immediately. What is it with little boys and swords?? He already has about 4 and never plays with them. This thing was $16!?!? NO WAY!!! So what did we buy him?? The $18 light up thing! LOL We reasoned that he doesn't already have one and he can enjoy it during the show, waving it around in the dark arena, right?? Right.

Then $14 for a popcorn and 2 lemonades. B chose some cool shark teeth that you put in your mouth and they light up, but he keeps complaining that they taste bad. Then he got a "Bruce" cup with a snowcone in it. Everyone has seen the movie and knows who Bruce is, right??? Bee chose a $6 colouring book that came with a snorkel. Amazing, we spent about $20 on each boy and only $6 on her. I figure it evens out since she gets more cutsey little things more often since there is SO MUCH out there for girls and there is only one of her. So this evened things out a little. At least I can tell myself that, right?? Ease my conscience???

L stayed home sleeping and catching up on some schoolwork. Last week was nuts and he did not get much math done. So he cleaned up his room a little and caught up on math and some journaling. We were gone for about 5 hours, because we had to shop for carpet, paint and a bed for Bee. She only has a mattress on the floor. So L had some nice quiet time, I know he enjoyed it.

Then it was off to a SJHA hockey auction for hubby and B. L and R stayed home playing board games while Bee and I went to her friend's 4th birthday party at Build-A-Bear. We were there for almost 3 hours!! YIKES!! I worked up a sweat. Volunteered to be a "party mom" and tried to help the poor girl running the whole thing.

Bee again prooved her frugalness by somehow choosing the cheapest little friend to get stuffed and bring home. She is carrying her around this morning, making the bear "talk" and having little conversations with her. It is a cute white bear she named "Snowflake".

So today B and I have a date once he and hubby get back from his hockey game and Bee and I are back from our photo shoot. He wants us to eat at the Olive Garden and look around at MX and dirt bike stores. His first love is dirt bikes, but of course he doesn't have one. He is saving like crazy though! Last week I gave him a quarter for every article of clothes he ironed and 50 cents for tablecloths.

Hubby will try to spend some time this afternoon with R and Bee, separately. We have both had some good QT with L recently and of course B and hubby are always together, so they are not lacking in that area. Bee has requested going down to the beach. I am not sure what R wants to do. Likely either ride bikes or build something with Lego.

I guess that will be it for now. I hope things get more exciting as time goes on:)