Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Princesses Issues

Been meaning to post, but many things have kept me from it.

The older two had an interesting counseling session today. They have been discussing their relationship with each other, and apparently today it trickled down to how they feel about their younger two sibs.

They were both telling the counselor how Clown is a combination of both of them. Lately, Brain has felt left out of Clown and Jock's little circle and Jock has agreed to "share" Clown with Brain. Brain and Clown have been spending a lot more time together and have discovered some more things in common. This is good in many ways, but Jock is obviously jealous and trying to figure out how to deal with that. Been interesting.

Anyway, today they talked a bit about that once I came in and then told how they feel about Princess. I was so sad. Brain called her a spoiled brat. He was just saying to me the other day how he feels like she is a "Daddy's girl" and how she is SO ANNOYING. He told in more detail today what he means.

The counselor and I both explained that a lot of it is age. Jock told us some things she says/does when she plays with he and Clown and the neighbours. That is when what I have struggled to avoid happening, was confirmed. One of my worst nightmares has become a reality. That may sound dramatic, no one freak out. I will try to get right to it here! LOL

We determined that she appears to value herself basically by looks alone. I was planning on posting how I can't relate to her because she is SO girly and feminine and I am not. I can't count the times in one day that the child prances around in various shoes and dresses and costumes. I never know what she wants. Sometimes I say that looks nice, or something along those lines. She always asks if she can go outside and show this kid or that kid these shoes, or bathing suit, or dress. Sometimes I say yes, mostly I say something like "they will see it eventually when you happen to be wearing it. You don't need to show them right now."

The other day I had a long talk with her. I asked her what she wants from any of us when she does these things. She said nothing. I said, "Then why do you go and change over and over into various outfits and wander around the house?? I feel like you are wanting us to say something." I went on to tell her how I am not excited by shoes and such and tried to tell her in a nice way, that I DON'T CARE about fancy shoes, high boots, etc. I told her I am very masculine and guy like in many ways and can't understand her fascination with that. I apologised and said that I am sorry that I can't, but I can't get excited about something like that. It bores me. I like other things that she likes, like animals, babies, etc. But not shoes and clothes.

She insisted it was fine. I know some degree of it is normal little girl stuff. However, it has always bothered me how people constantly comment on her looks. I debated when she was about 2, making a little card to hand to people before they had a chance to say anything. It would say something along the lines of "Please do not gush over my daughter, we don't want her to get a complex." I didn't know how to go about it or if it would seem...arrogant or presumptuous. I wish now that I had done something! The boys have always complained about all the attention she gets everywhere we go. It is really annoying. It is like people don't realise there is a person in that cute little body and SHE CAN HEAR YOU when you go ON AND ON about how pretty she is and THOSE EYES and on and on. Some people won't stop at all, I need to almost run away with her. Can't people think about what effect that would have on her??

Well, as I said, my nightmare has come true. It appears that now she is only valuing herself based on that. The counselor told the boys to catch her doing something nice or being patient or something and be sure and bring attention to that. Then she won't only get positive attention for existing or wearing a nice outfit. Maybe I should buy her ugly clothes and never brush her hair??

So that made me sad but at least we can work on it. I tell her often about what is inside is what counts, etc. She is a SWEET, thoughtful, caring little girl and I constantly remind her of that. I have always tried to "Catch them doing good" and ignore the negative. So I need to for sure work with Stud and he and I need to try to reverse this. I have always worried that her brothers will start to resent her and also that she would get this attitude and feel this way. I hate for her to feel this way!!!

I was going to post the other day about something that happened in the neighbourhood regarding her. That will have to wait. I need to help in Brain's classes tomorrow, so best get to bed.

1 comment:

clairesgarden said...

difficult, but at least she has the confidence to think she looks good the way she is.