Conflicted

I am not sure if I mentioned it on here, but some of our kids will attend public school this year:( I am not sure how I feel about it.

I went to public school. I was fine. Hated certain aspects, loved other aspects. Which I think is typical. It has worked well for us to have our kids at home. I enjoy time with them and like to be the main influence in their lives. I don't see the point (no disrespect to those of you whose children attend public school or who do not agree with or understand the Home-schooling idea) in sending my kids away all day, to sit in a room with kids born around the same time as them. That is not the real world. I take them out in the real world every day. Well, fine. Most days! LOL Depending on my mood. We go to get groceries (VERY educational. By the time my kids are about six, they can tell me which is a better deal on canned tomatoes, or which apples are cheapest), to the park, to plays/puppet shows, museums, the zoo, the Childrens Museum and Chuck E Cheese for lunch.

We go on various field trips. Some with our support group, most on our own. Again, depending on my mood. If I am in a socialable mood, we go with our friends. If I am not, it is just me and my kids. We all like it that way sometimes. The boys tend to be more like me, Princess is more like her Dad and likes to be around people. Sometimes, we crave being around our friends. There is always something going on if that mood happens to strike. The kids attended a wonderful Science class last year and we have parties/meetings all the time. Lego Club, on and on it goes. They are constantly around other kids, so there is no worry about the socialization aspect that many people who do not understand home-schooling worry about. In Public school, there is not much socializing anyway. Classes, on the way to classes, and maybe lunch. That is their day. When do they get to socialize and visit?? The best part is, us parents (some of the families we know, the DAD home-schools and his wife works and brings home the bacon) are there most of the time to supervise and guide our kids along the way. There is no way teachers can keep an eye as well as we all do and kids attending school get away with murder. Literally sometimes.

Clown is a perfect example of the benefits of home-schooling. The kid just turned seven and has been reading on his own since he was four. Multiplies. Was counting by twos and telling me all about odd and even numbers when he was THREE years old??? We just let him exlpore and figure things out on his own. He is constantly spouting off trivia and information. I hear him telling Princess all kinds of interesting facts and find him reading to her. We play games by the hour and that has really helped them all to learn all kinds of things. We just settle down on a cool fall day with some fresh cookies that we all made (math) and cuddle together with a good book. This past year, with me being in a funk and a depression, which was foreign to me, we did not do as much as I had planned. We have all kinds of materials at our disposal and I did not get around to making use of them.

I love home-schooling the kids. LOVE IT. I feel like it is my calling and what I was meant to do. Yet...I need a break. Not from them, but from them fighting with each other. If I was better organised, things would go smoother. When I had a set schedule set up (which goes against my nature, but I tried it for Brain because he thrives on that) they seemed less frantic and they did get along a lot better. If I stray from that and we don't get our half hour a day scheduled time with me...chaos ensues. They all look so forward to that half an hour a day uninterrupted time with me. Especially Brain, the "mamma's boy". But I can't do it all the time, it just doesn't work.

Brain told his counselor that he would like to try public school again. That is really what got me considering it. Now Jock is all excited about it. Clown will stay home. Princess will attend Kindergarten. She needs girly time and will meet more little girls this way and be able to have friends over. All the girls she knows now are teenagers. They are sweet to her and very patient, but she craves little girl time.

So we went and got the boys' pictures taken yesterday. Got their ASB cards made, paid for the yearbooks, etc. Got them all enrolled and found out their schedules. They are both really excited. Jock has been worried that he will be behind in math. Myself and his two best friends (who have attended the same school and constantly tell him to relax, he will be fine) are always trying to reassure him. So I am glad that they will attend the same school. Brain in grade 8 and Jock in Grade 6. I am really not sure how I feel. I am excited for them, but dread the negative aspects that I have been avoiding for years. *sigh*

One thing to note. Brain had me dye his hair black yesterday. We straightened it. It is still too short for the look he wants. With the curls he has, it is just wavy, not straight like he wanted. He has it hanging in his face and wears a hat. Says he is now willing to get contacts and practise putting them in. We tried last fall and he did not want them at that time. He is wearing mostly black and keeps his head hanging down. Walks along with his hands in his pockets and eyes downcast. Speaks in a monotone, with no emotion. Says he wants to be unapproachable and if people want to apprcoach him, that is fine. If not, who cares. He saw some of his friends from when he attended public school five years ago. He just muttered something at them under his breathe and would not make eye contact. I told him on the walk home, I draw the line at rudeness. I told him I will support him in this new role he wants to put himself in. He is trying to figure out who he wants to be and that is fine. But when someone speaks to you, you look them in the eye and don't mumble. He continued the monotone and I was SO TEMPTED to smack the kid. I was getting madder and madder. He just kept up this calm, no emotion way of speaking and was saying things like, "Mum, this is how I am choosing to act. I want to come to school first as this person and see the reaction I get. I am curious to see what people think of it." I said I understood, but he WILL NOT keep his eyes down and talk that way when people speak. People were raising their eyebrows and looking at me like "What is the deal??" Which is fine, he is a teenager. But I am sure he will learn quickly that will get him nowhere with the teachers. He continued to speak that way to me and I continued to tell him to stop. Once we got past a certain point in our walk home, he turned into his sweet self again and ran to catch up with Jock and talk with him.

I am not permitted to post photos of Brain's new look until he fine tunes it. We are taking him for a trim, since he has so many split ends. He thinks it will be closer to how he wants by Christmas time. It is odd to see him caring suddenly about how he looks. He has never cared in the slightest. He was in front of the mirror for a long time yesterday and constantly adjusting his shirt and striking different poses.

Ok, as always, these are certainly muddled ponderings. I need to get off of here, hope some of this made sense. Again. I hope to not offend anyone. I was just sharing how I feel about the education system. I think it will be a neat experience for them this year, I am just really very conflicted. Stud wants to do this much more than I do. Man, I just dunno. I hope I like this:( At least I will still have my Clown with me.